..What are Your True Colours?..

Testing

2011-05-11T02:11:00.001+08:00

Open publication - Free publishing - More motorcar

Till when will it last?

2011-05-03T01:24:00.018+08:00

Hi Blog. It's been more than a year since I got here. Feels like there's a lot to dust away and spring cleaning is much needed in here since you've been abandoned for so long. I guess that will have to come later. At this moment I just feel comfortable sitting in the "dust" and "dirt" right here. Just want to enjoy the Old feel as if things did not changed. Pretty much just hoping that scenarios in life did not change at all. I wish daddy is still here just like before.

I guess since this place is so abandoned. No one will prolly read this and I can safely just pour out here huh?? sigh.

I cant sleep. AGAIN I'm feeling like this. Every night feels like a torture to sleep. What's the point sleeping when I'll naturally wake up again at 230, 330, sometimes 430 (sometimes every hour!) and most definitely at the strike of 530am! That's the exact time when the whole incident took place. When I get up, it just keeps playing in my mind over and over and over and over again. Just staring at the corner where it all happened, makes it feels as if it's happening again for real right in front of my eyes. I rushed over in hope to be able to grab hold of dad. Then I realised I was just hallucinating? Because the scenario was playing in my mind.

When will this end? When will I Not wake up naturally and not have the whole incident playing in my mind. At times it feels as if the whole incident projects out from my mind and I'm watching it right in front of me on big screen. God when? God WHY?????? You are so cruel. You broke my family. You broke our hearts into pieces. Do you know the tremendous pain of going through every single night like that?????? and the emotion that comes along with it??? and the after effects???????????

It feels as if we are going through a Job season literally. 1st, things starts to get wrong and then you took my dad's life. Who are you going to take next?? Why not me huh?? Why not?

Sigh...I tried so hard to be optimistic. I tried to worship as hard as I can. I was sincere when I worshipped. But after that, I get back to the same old corner of grief, of just emotional roller coaster rides, The Joy and Peace is gone. To find back that Joy that used to flow from within. The strength that comes with it that no doubt is Your strength. No matter what tough seasons we've gone through as a family. The Joy will still be there. There's no more joy at all now. Every time I try so hard, but I always get back to that same place of tremendous heart aches that only I know the intensity of the pain. I don't feel that I'm moving forward at all. Many times I wish I can just be me and grief whole day long every where I go. But life is at such that we constantly have to filter our expressions. It's so difficult to just smile when I'm with my friends. But I've to try to be okay when I'm with them. I mean who wants to see a crying girl all the time right? After all not like they will feel me. But I do appreciate all they try doing to comfort me. I do.

GOD I just want to hibernate somewhere. I WISH I can just be a bear for a season. Hibernate in the cave. CRY and emo all I want and not have to bother and care about how people will respond to my grieving moments all the time.I honestly don't feel secure being my true self lately among friends in general. A few who can relate, I feel more comfortable to really be me. I must have been such a changed weirdo than I already am lately. I bet even close friends generally do not understand me anymore. Yea you can say that self esteem is on a roller coaster ride too. There are moments where I'm pure normal, more than confident, there are random moments that I'm pure low especially being around a couple of particular friends. Yea I'm grieving and it's normal huh? But I so feel it. My mind is clouded. sigh.

Grief's unexpected turns throws at me again and again. I feel that for every step forward, I take at least one step back. Perhaps this grieving process will take longer than I ever imagined.

"Please don't rush this process. Remember, what you are feeling is not only normal; it is necessary." People always tell me. But just when will I feel that I'm really moving somewhere? Sometimes I really don't want to move. Other times, I wish I've moved on and not be stuck a wretched (like now). I cannot even begin to put my grief in a time frame. Thank you that I don't have to

I've been thinking, knowing God and His comfort does not take away the ache at all. Instead, He is just the pain killer to my heart ache. Until I see daddy again, the heart aches will be there. God will just be that pain killer. Not the solution to take away the pain. Because it will still come back from time to time. As for now, every second, every hour, EVERYDAY!

Reading the Psalms, David grew weary with the process of grief and cried out to the Lord. Then he left the timing in God's hands. I guess I will just do the same. Whether it's a year or two, or even 10 years. I guess I cant rush it huh?

"Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love" (Psalm 6:2-4).

"I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief" (Psalm 6:6-7).

God I'm SO angry with you at times but I also acknowledge that you are my comforter and the only one I could get real comfort from. It's SO hard to balance between these two emotions.

I need another dose of "pain killers" from you tonight God.

New look?

2009-06-15T11:39:00.008+08:00

I reckon it's time to give this blog a new look and feel. It's too bright in here!!!!

It needs to be tone down ... hmm... pink... grey.. yellow... white..turquoise with a tinge of blue....sounds like a gd comby?

Yea I think so! Ok I shall work on that before I start posting anything up. I have so much in mind especially these past few days. Need the ambiance of this blog to be right before I'm able to write anything.

Somethings happened that we can no longer change, impossible to turn back time to redo anything.

2009????

2009-03-25T11:06:00.004+08:00

LOL... gosh I've left my blog so outdated!! Not even a single post since dec 4th! :P
Sorry guys.. I really wanna update my blog happenings in my life and thoughts. I have so much to say but sadly blog priority has always been taken precedence by other more important things that I need to put as priority.

Hang in there guys! I'll try my best to update within these 2 weeks. I have Loads to catch up in here!! hehe...

Meanwhile!! I wanna share a verse that has really encouraged me this morning.
“For God’s gifts and His call can never be withdrawn”
(Romans 11:29)

I personally needed to hear that as I've been quite drained out lately. Work - production - life in general.... Sometimes everything is just so cloudy and the vision of the big picture ahead is just to blurred. As I sat and thing bout things just a couple days ago I find that I've been so exhausted by all that's happening, that I am so discouraged of even the journey for this year when certain things has already been made clear to me. Well I'm really encouraged this morning when I read this verse and I'm assured again that I just need to walk ahead and God's gonna be revealing more in time to come. I know that God’s plan for my life didn’t go away just because I had some disappointments, setbacks. He didn’t write me off just because I made some poor decisions. already He knew every mistake I'm ever gonna make; and He still called me. He still designed a perfect plan for your life and my life.

So no matter what’s happened in your past, God’s plan for your good remains. He still has a bright future in store for you. If you will get your hopes back and get your vision in line with God’s Word, then the rest of your life will be the best of your life! Wanna encourage you to Keep standing, keep believing, and get a vision for your future because the Lord has an amazing future in store for you! :)

Kakiss

2008-12-04T19:35:00.008+08:00

Saw this on Sandra's blog. Made me go 'awwwwww'..... js had to link it up here to show you guys...hehe...

She participated in a contest bout her buddies. Made this flash from pictures taken during our Mid Autumn Gathering.

Gosh missing our hanging times man!!

This is my new bunch of beloved 'monkey' kakiss I've been hanging out with loads that has made a part of my life more colourful than ever this year! Thanks guys for all the fun, silly moments, poser moments, holiday trip moments, talk nonsense crappy moments, random moments...every other moment you can think of la... and oh! most importantly ... the makan moments!! =)

Cant wait to see ya all very soon!!!~

Joy of Dance training

2008-10-08T01:38:00.035+08:00

Normally I'm just really impatient when it comes to blogging with pics. All the waiting for it to load...etc...So that explains why there isnt many pics on my blog...Tho I'd love blogging bout life with pics....I also wish I have more time to sleep, eat and rest besides majority of it being taken up by work.

Anyhow! This one post is just simply irresistable ....

I've got some juicy vids and pics to share!

Dance training was extra fun tonite. You'll know why soon.. hehe

All gettin ready for the training. See those numbers on the floor? This is what we call a Circuit Training. There are 10 stations. You do different exercise on different stations. All that to build our stamina and of course get into shape! hehe... It's no joke dancing 1 hr straight in a production.. so we need the stamina!!

Training in progress. Every stations the exercise will last 30 secs. So you keep doing till you here the whisle, Stop... and then go to the next station till all 10 stations are completed.

What do we do when we have our 3 mins break???

Some jadi posers.....

Leech & Me

Ok it's 'Leech' not because that's her name..not because she's a leech..

it's js a short form we made up..heh..

It's short for Lee Cheng..Like Daren says it..You can greet her like this: "Yo! Lee with the C. H." *do a letter C with your arms followed by the letter H then do a rappers sign with both hands*

Me - Cheryl - Anne

Some trying to be cheeky.

Chris! That's a sand ball not a basket ball!

Others just hanging around....

Andddd....

... messaging girl friend?? tsk..tsk..tsk

Sorry James.. just teasing you... hehe

Oh it's only a 3 minutes break for goodness sake! What's next? What else??

Back to another round of circuit training...ANDDD... this time round it's gonna be 45 secs at all stations... PLUSSS..... additional exercises and of course more challenging ones too...*=_=" Lord help us..=P*

Harlo! 45 secs with some of the exerises we do.. it's not as easy as you think ok...tsk..tsk..

*singing* "Mamma Mia! Here we go again... my my!!".. we are so enojoying it! haha..

2 lovely ladies here doing the back push ups.

Look at them! They are really enjoying it! That's why! More of you guys should come join us!

After training.. this is what happens..Half dead...

Tapi!!!~ Boleh juga pose!! LOL~ =_=

Alritey! Cooling down time!! Edmund (our training master) got us to do the front flip / roll.. whatever you call it.. haha... AND... Here you have our very own terra-menerra Dashing Darren having a go at it!! =D

click pic to enlarge... hehe

I didnt expect a vid..But oh well.. haha... it's just good laughing at self sometimes.. so here me goes...

NEXT!!! lol... this is the juicy part!! Our super sporting flipping queen!! =P

Lastly ....

There you have it. Darren da DASHING Bouncer!!! Lol..

After heaps of bouncing here and stretching there..Apa lagi?? MAMAK!!!!!

but i'm js too lazy to post that part up dee... this post I edited since this morning at 3sumthing.

I shall past the mamak part... heh!

There ... It's just wonderful being at those dance training! Cant wait for this sat's. Hip hop!!!

standing against it ...

2008-10-06T16:36:00.006+08:00

... that melancholy feeling is slowly hovering over...

I can so recognise it....It's not something bad..neither is it very good for me to stay in enjoying the whole feel of it.. It's just gonna get me so sucked into the world where only my imaginations become as if reality... but in fact.. it's not....

It's really taking a toll on me today...

It's been around the whole morning and it aint going off anywhere till now... and it's so distracting ... what is worst is that today, I had an encounter with the source of where that feeling came from...(pls forgive me people.. this is vague i know)

I just need to have a moment recollecting all my thoughts, emotions and pratically myself...

...Rach you need to concentrate... dont stray... stay on track!

Remember dont let setbacks take away the Joy and the surprise that's coming your way!...

Believe! Claim it! Conquer it!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!~

Popping by

2008-09-23T00:56:00.007+08:00

Just completed some freelance work.

Praise God my home line is working again!

Really felt like blogging when I get home... I even saved a post on draft... half way done.

But the moment I got back I have to complete some freelance design... up till now.. so the blogging 'feel' is gone dee...

I do have some juicy post... like my purging story... man it was one crazy nite!....haha

Cheryl I'm saving it for u! =P

Besides that... I had a wonderful weekend...spending time with some wonderful people doing silly things and attending my ex highschool mate's wedding!! It was lovely!

I have camp to talk about as well! Oh I better stop listing it... I wish I have more time to do the things I wanna do everyday!~ not just sitting in the office designing layouts everyday... It's really getting off the 'creativity' zone man! I need something more brain teasing!

Alright I should be keeping this post short... cos *yawns* I'm really tired! It's been a long day... plus all the energy that went into the adventures in the toilet! aihh... u get the drift....

Have a good nite's rest my dearies! Nites!!

I've decided the keep the 'lights' on a lil longer here Timmy! =D

yAWn & sTREtch...

2008-09-19T03:16:00.006+08:00

Good Morning world!!~ From my tiny lil nutshell here ... da office.

Yep.. Still here!

Just done rearranging all my 20 over pages of layout. I feel like I wasted half a day just doing that. Resizing - Relink pictures - Making sure that all specifications are right - Checking from top to bottom - bottom to top again - Phewww....

I've been sitting on my chair so much. I'm honestly worried for my butt.. .

=_= ... 0_o... it's already 3.23am...

I bet most of you are fast asleep by now.

Somehow I love the wee hours. It's great for brain storming. But Thankfully no need for that now. Cos my mind is still stoning away. Due to all the mundane shifting of layouts..and rearranging em .. etc...

Alrite... think I'll take a break now.. unwind - relax..watch a few chapters of my chinese drama...

Signing off... Good Night(Morning) World!!

Stories for tomorrow

2008-09-17T13:03:00.002+08:00

Boy do I have dozens of stories to share about the past few months of adventure and "adventures".

Which I know some may not turn up on this blog later due to the "I'm-lazy-to-recall-back" factor as time passes and more stories sprouting out every week at least if not days.

Thanks to streamyx upgrading the lines lately, I cant blog even when I have the time and feel of blogging when I'm home. Other days I'd just be plain tired or decides to spend some me time. Been so occupied during working hours nowadays. That feel of blogging just seldom come by. That's the thing with me. I need to feel-like-it to blog. So yea today is a lil exceptional I guess.

SO while waiting for that brilliant line at home to get working again, this blog will remain silent for a lil while more.

On another note...should I be changing my blog colour to make it brighter??

I was just staring at it for a while and wonder if I should or should not. Maybe it's the influence of a friends blog that I just visited. It was all white and bright! Surely a contrast coming back to my blog. haha... But I like the mysterious and dark cosy feeling on my blog. Oh well I guess it wont hurt to leave the lights on for a day eh?! *winks*

Here goes!! "Let there be light!!"

...thinking...

2008-09-03T23:43:00.002+08:00

I seriously had some long post to blog about. Had it all in mind while I was taking a shower all the thoughts came flooding in. Now that I have the time to sit and blog bout it, My mind is totally blank....

So the previous one was just nothing much but blabbing. I so wanna make it up for the next one. I think it's seriously enough of raging for now.

Been away a couple of days at camp. So I thought I signed up for the wrong camp cos I had something else in mind. But I'm totally convinced now that I didnt accidentaly signed up for nothing. It was for a purpose that God had led me there. Physical rest I've not gained much but spiritual strength and food I've had so much that it's over flowing now.

Came back and did loads of pondering and thinking. I'm still thinking and trying to sort things out. It's totally a whole new journey now after commitments made up at the hill and making pit stops at the altar telling God that I cant handle it all by myself and rest my case upon His hands!

I knew I needed to hear what I heard and I should be doing something, making changes now.

Lord I wanna trully just follow you and trust in you fully!~ I'm not perfect...I can never be good enough..It's trully just by your G.R.A.C.E!! Love u!!

Busy?!!! Gah!!

2008-08-28T18:05:00.003+08:00

You know I'm just beginning to loathe the word "B.U.S.Y"!!!

I should seriously think of another way to answer people when they ask how am I!

Maybe I should reply "Oh I'm great!! Super free!!Call me anytime" of perhaps "Thanks for your concern.. just a lil 'occupied'*laughs*" just as long as the B.U.S.Y word doesnt appear!

Feels like some bad word that I'll despise now!

Fact is I have alot of work yes!! But that isnt always the factor! I can always pre plan my schedule if I alrd know something is coming by .. be it hang out or an event w friends etc...

Sometimes even last minute planning I can squeeze into my schedule!

I have a schedule that I can plan. Just that not evertime and everything falls in nicely. That doesnt mean it happens everyday! If or unless some last minute agenda pops up screaming for my attention!I cant help it when those happen.

That word just makes people assume that I'm busy all the time! Gosh I HATE IT!!!!

Even if friends were to plan anything in their mind "Rach is always busy". When asked, this are the response I'll get "you not busy meh??" "Oh I thought you super busy wei" " Aler! so sorry! really thought u very busy!"

Oh yes! what a great question to throw back at me!! Picking up the phone to call and ask will NOT hurt or cost a million dollar!?? Harlo?!! you think I like to always be busy or 'busy' is some excuse I made up just so to put people off with the goal of making them not call me out anymore?? DO I GIVE PEOPLE THAT IMPRESSION?!!! sigh...

Oh well... it happens I guess... Yea yea... my best friend is work ... Work and WORK now!! Great I made a new best friend who sticks to me like a leech and I love it so very much!!

I guess moments like this.. you know who real friends are who no matter what season of life you go thru!

Thank God still for such friends... few, (yea like they say, good things dont come in a bunch!)sad but true..but good things you really dont need a whole bunch..a few, is enough to warm your heart and make a whole lot of difference.. it means alot...and today, 1 who will be picking me up for dinner tonite and be so kind to send me home all the way. Babe It means alot .. really... Thanks! I really need to stress out man! Goin coo coo soon! As you can see from my rage here...LOL!!! Ok done releasing! Back to ... ah yes! my 'great' friend ....Work...=)

*dont get me wrong... just ranting about Life as it is!* smile! Yea dun worry I'm smiling! Positive! =)

char-dou myself =_=

2008-08-25T20:05:00.006+08:00

I was screaming like crazy in the toilet... why?? see, this was what happened!

Went into toilet, the silly light was taking it's own sweet time to on apparently...
and so I saw some long, black and thin looking thing on the floor.... 1st thing came to mind was "SNAKE!!!!!! SUPER HUGE JUNGLE WORM!!!~" I have no idea why "jungle worm" came into mind but oh well... SO!!! with that thought, what will happen?? = SCREAM LAR!!! Very natural reaction mar! HAHA!!~

There I was screaming like crazy for a few seconds and when the toilet light came on! Guess what?!
It was just the mop stick!!! 0_O AIYO!!!! *Smacks head!!* I looked at myself in the mirror and went super =_= =_= =_= .....

Yea I felt so silly at the end!! ahhhHHH... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sungguh BerDramanya!!
I guess it's good to have some 'silly laughing at self" scenario at times... breaks the icy cold atmosphere around here!! LOL!!~

"SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUNGLE WORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" =P ... heh heh heh ...

GREAT WORK!!!

2008-08-19T14:18:00.008+08:00

LEE CHONG WEI!!!!!
I'M SO PROUD OF HIM!!!
ONLY ONE WHO BROUGHT A MEDAL BACK FOR MALAYSIA!!
YOU DID SO WELL!!!
Dont beat yourself up thinking that you've dissapointed the nation. So proud of you!
CONGRATS!!!!!!

I was at 1U hanging around with parents killing time waiting to pick bro up from a friends birthday party during that match. I can literally feel the pressure man. I didnt plan to watch the match actually. To my surprise they were showing it at 1U as well! 0_O Decided not to watch it still cos whenever lee chong wei scored the crowd will cheer! So just listen to the cheers is enough to know how he is fairing.

Just watch the ending part of the match. It was so intense!! You can see the look on Chong Wei's face that he was kinda dissapointed not getting the gold knowing that the nation placed such high hopes on him. But I felt a sense of pride watching him receiving that silver medal! He made history for Msia! Fighting all the way to the top isnt easy at all and he made it up there being No.2 Best in the world!! IT'S AWESOME!!!

Walking away, I heard ppl murmuring that he could have done better and one girl even said out loud "Aiya not surprised that he lost!!" O_O!!! WHAT?!!! COME ON LA!!! Not surprised?!! Looking at her! I'm seriously not surprised if she dont even know how to hit the shuttlecock!! I mean sorry to think that way but no appreciation and support at all, instead criticise people!? Common if you think so why not you try playing up there?!! I bet not even quarter match she pengsan dee!+_+

Reading the news today I'm glad that he got so much of support upon arriving at KLIA! That's the spirit man!! He said he was overwhelmed and with the support he is getting, he'll put in more effort and do better!! I bet those nights that he couldnt sleep and eat during the game was agonising man! Can you just imagine the whole world is watching and the whole nation putting their bets and hopes on you???
Ah but I'm sure it's all paid off now knowing that no matter what he still gain full support!

GREAT JOB!!!!!! SALUTE!!!!!!

He Increases Strength

2008-08-14T16:47:00.004+08:00

He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength causing it to multiply and making it to abound (Isaiah 40:29).

God must have knew that I needed that! How timely that this verse came in today!
Just as I got up not feeling good and dizzy! Haha!!~ As I open my inbox, I got my daily devotion and that verse was in there! Indeed He gives power and encouragement to the 'faint' and weary!
Thanks daddy above!! I'm so encouraged by it and thanks for reminding me that above all You are there for me! Nothing beats having an Almighty daddy who watches after me 24/7!!

I know that my God is my source and supply. God promises that He increases our strength and causes it to multiply. One of the ways God fills us with His strength is by giving us His joy. When we have joy, we have strength to overcome. Joy, the supernatural force that is deposited within me. As I meditate on the goodness and faithfulness of my God,I will be able to feel His joy. Like rivers of living water, joy will flow forth from me, refreshing and strengthening me so that I have the power to overcome every obstacle I may be facing. I shall meditate on His promises and as I do, I'll be a VICTOR and not a victim! AMEN!!!~

It's spinning!!~ not gd!

2008-08-14T12:56:00.007+08:00

Yes!! The ceiling seems to be a lil spinning. I cant simply just shift my head position right now. I have to s.l.o.w.l.y turn my head. If not I'll feel really dizzy. Just out of the blue since yday night while still working, I felt that.

Didnt really have a good sleep cos I couldnt lie flat. If I do, I'll feel as if my brains are literally spinnin inside as well! So I've gotta kind of get into the half lying half sitting position to rest. Wasnt that comfy at all. As if that wasnt enough, the nenek neighbour I have here, got up at 4 sumthing in the morning..4 SUMTHING am!!!!! (considering that I only manage to fall alseep arnd 1 plus!) and she started vomitting REALLY LOUD!!~ Besides, every morning she'll sneeze REALLY LOUD =_=... so this morning was a combi of sneeze REALLY LOUD + vomitting REALLY LOUD!!
Gosh!!!! it was torturing! I was awaken by those noise she was making and I couldnt sleep back.
Tho I hope the nenek is alrite. Old lady vomitting is not very good thing.

Anyhow, the moment I was awaken some how the list or 'things to do' attacked!! They were like arrows shooting across my mind w big warnings saying "rach you still have work undone in the office!! when are you gonna get done with it??!" - "rach you have bible teaching notes to prepare and today is already thrusday and u've not done preparing even half!!" - "rach you have this errands and that errands to run!!" - Rach this and that!!!!~ I cant seem to shoo those thoughts off my mind man! Couldnt take it anymore I woke up. Thought that at least after an 'ok' few hrs of sleep I'll be better.

As I stood up, that's it!! My room was spinning! Sigh... so there I go again.. like a drug addict sniffing on my oilment...I was literally like some drug addict looking all over my bed for my bottle of oilment man!! Cos I was holding on to it sniffing on it to relief myself till I fell asleep yday nite. Aiyo... siao!

So what I did? 1st thing.. on the comp! Grab my teaching notes and continued with preperations. After 2 pages, cant really concentrate so I've been walking in and out all over the house. Did some laundry, checked email, replied emails and STILL tryin to get to the core of my preperations for teaching.

Now here I am blogging. Just needed a release and where else better than on my dear fren 'bloggie'?! =) It feels a lil better after having somewhere to spill out.

Oh I'll prolly go back to the office later. I HAVE TO!! Arghhh!~
So many thing in mind so many things to express. I think I have to reformat my brains.
The best stupid way = put all energy into running forward towards a wall and knock on it just hard enough to get brains reformatted. Any harder, just go straight to heaven!! Lol!! There u go!! Ok sorry that was stupid. I obviously wont do that! I'm still sane! Just felt like crapping alil to release tension and laugh at my silly self! =P

Ok that done!! Rach you should be better now! Go and continue teaching prep and then off to work later!! You have no choice so JUST DO IT! Get DONE with it! THEN ONLY YOU CAN REST!!!~

Passion WOW!

2008-08-07T14:14:00.008+08:00

That's the big event that took place at Sunway Pyramid Convention Centre 2 weeks backI'm so glad I made the decision to go for it at the end. I'm just totally inspired and blown away.It's a Super HUGE WOW!!! It was awesome!!!! God's presence was just overwhelming. 4000+ young people gathered lifting the name of Jesus high!!~
JUST WOW!! I cant think of any other expression except WOW! WOW! WOW!!!!~

4000+ Passionate for Christ young ppl lingering around Pyramid as early as 12 noon just anticipating the night!I was there at 1-ish. Met up with some friends and quickly got our wristband. As the time passes it was just so exciting to see more and more young people walking around w the purple wristband! It was like "Oh wow she's goin for passion too!" Look! another bunch of young ppl waiting arnd for the doors to be opened" The whole atmosphere was just so exhilarating!

It was MASSIVE!! The message was Grace and Ps Louie did a great job in conveying the message. He is one innovative guy! The story he shared bout Ashley Akinns was just amazing.
Youtube her name and see some videos bout her life. It's such a great testimony! I'm truly inspired! Like how the saying's been going about after Passion, people have been shouting out "Let's be a fruitcake for God" I wanna be one too! What's a fruitcake eh u might wonder.. I'll try to ask permission to borrow some resources from a friends blog to share about Ashley's story here. Then you will know! Or if you cant wait, just google her name and I'm sure you'll find some links about Ashley!=)

Meanwhile here are just some pics!

Some of us at Carls Jr for dinner before the event

Past by Wendy's and saw some farmiliar faces! I choose to put this 2 in particular up. Here's Sek Teng a.k.a Sexy! & Valerie! So cute right?! hehe =P

The crowd at the entrace before the doors open! Really "people mountain people sea" man! Lol!

Finally we got in! The massive crowd patiently waiting for the concert to begin! If you were there, you can definitely agree with me that the whole experience of just sittin in there was overwhelming. Definitely cant deny the presence of God was MEGA as well!!~

Just love me lambs! Here's just a fraction of em! Haha!!~

With ex cg mbers who were still around after the concert

Met Gideon!

Supper @ Mc Dees with Josh - Emily - Shereen - Winson~ Love the fellowship.

~ Nothing beats being able to praise our God and lifting His name high together & having a great fellowship with people who matters ~

brains not working tonite

2008-08-05T21:55:00.002+08:00

I so wanna update my blog with pics of recent happenings....
but......
I'm struck with a 4 letter word .....

..................... L . A . Z . Y ...........................

and the other common 5 letter word ......

............... T. I . R . E . D .......................

Lastly....my brains are not working very well tonight...
All I can think of and see right now is design layouts!!!~

I'm still @ the war zone ....

OH OH!!!~ AND PASSION IS ON @ JAKARTA TONITE!!!
I'm sure they are having a SUPER DUPER AWESOME time w God there!!!
I wish I can rewind time and experience Passion again!

I wish I have a secretary who blogs for me, carries a laptop and follows me everywhere I go. Record down all my thoughts. You know how we so very often have thoughts popping up our mind while driving, window shopping, or even while in the toilet? And when the moment is gone, all the thoughts goes away with it and never comes back. Experienced that before?

I have those moments very often. Especially while I'm driving. I have no idea why. hmmm..oh well... IF only....

Neways I shouldnt be blabbing away here now. Back to WAR!!!! ~

Lil sunshine...

2008-08-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

Quite a gloomy rushy day today.... a lil upset that I didnt get to work do much on my design work today due to running errands and stuff. No choice but to wait around for others. Such a waiste of time I feel! Considering that datelines are already super near and I still have so many things to look into. Having only 1 car that's working now is so inconvenient!

Anyhow, I past by the pet shop near office today and this really made my day.

Look at the way this lil fella sleeps! Haha I know! Looks like it's dead =P... I cant help it but to take a pic of him. Somehow just puts a smile on my face!~

singing... Oh HAPPY day!

2008-07-29T14:56:00.008+08:00

Good Afternoon World!!!!~

uhh....I feel like I didnt get enough sleep... only Zzzz at 5+ this morning I think and got up at 93o.
4 HOURS?!!!! ~ Gosh now only I realise I have only 4 hrs of sleep .... blergh~
Thank god for friend who yack with me when I cant sleep.

Somehow my body clock is just malfunctioning. Due to the late nights at work. When it's time to sleep I cant sleep... when it's time to wake up I wanna continue sleeping!! Gosh ...I SO have to get myself right again. I remember on Sunday - Automatically woke up..eyes wide at 5.30 in the morning and my heart just suddenly felt very burdened and I couldnt sleep back. Tossing and turning around for some time... finally decided to check if the only person I think might be awake is awake or not.. to my dissapointment.. no reply... oh well.. after staring at the ceiling a while longer ... Somehow fell alseep again... Phew~ THANK GOD!! I cant imagine if I have to stare till the chickens and the world around me wakes up.. I would have gone bonkers!! HAHA!!!~ =P

I PROCLAIM that it's gonna be a Good day today Rach!!~ Smile!!! If all else fails, at least you have tonite to look forward to my dear~ Cheer up and CONTINUE WITH YOUR WORK NOW ALREADY!!!

Alrite ..... alrite... I'm going off now...

*that's the coleric me speaking!* LOL!!!~

Rach: rOE?? Can u sense that if I'm gonna be eating rambutans everyday now?? haha!!
=_=............

why?? cos I might just be admitted to Tanjung Rambutan if the situation that I'm in now persist.

Roe: hahahahaha!!! You still have the ability talk crap so it proves that you are still sane!!

Geeeeeee............

2008-07-28T21:44:00.002+08:00

Just realised that Penang post was 5 days ago!!~ Time really flies!!
Aihh ~I feel a sense of burden as my work is getting heavier and I find no sufficient time to complete em..Thus I have to turn into a 'BatGirl' at night burning midnite oil trying to complete those piled up 'stuff' (I feel bad calling my seemingly passionate work 'stuff') but as of now!! I totally have no passion to do em!! Yea sad case I know!! blergh~... but I'm trying very hard ..I am trying hard to stay focus and not go insane... =)

I wish there's 48 hrs in a day... well as said.. that's js a wish...cos if I get that coming true, in no time I'll be wishing for 60 hrs and then 72 hrs... etc.... humans..we just cant get enough of what we already have at times.

Lord refresh me I pray. =) I'm Hopeful. I can do it!! Yes you can Rach!! I'm a Victor not a Victim!!

I'm so looking forward to tomorrow night already! ~

Finally PENANG!!!

2008-07-23T22:40:00.040+08:00

Still awake..nothing much to do now..I guess I shouldn't waste it..haha... tot prolly shouldnt procrastinate anymore..cos if I do..I'll prolly just not bother to post about Penang after some time..

We started out on a night journey. Arrived @ 1230am I think.
1st thing that happened this time wasnt nice at all..Made a big boo boo!
I accidentaly broke half a shelf of aunty's vase display!!! =P
Didnt even know how it happened..I remember just gettin up from the floor and then PRAANG!! PRAANG!! PRAANG!!!!~ O_0 """

I was super shocked!!~ Uncle Eddy was so concern over if I got hurt or not... When I looked at my legs..it was abstract art I saw..LOL... I didnt even feel the cuts..Must be the impact that caused the broken glasses to bounce back and hit my legs. It looked like Jackson Pollock painted his abstract art with red paint on my legs.
Shocked again, I moved and stepped on a few pieces of broken glass..sigh.. finally they told me to sit down and not move..Unc eddy quickly got the 1st aid kit. My bro was standing there... looking at me and just shaking his head..Speechlesss!! =P and then he just smiled! Babi betul!! HAHA!!!~

Well no biggie now...Those are not super big cuts just many small cuts..thus the spots of blood all over..Well .. well ...well..ok let's waste no time on the accident anymore.. let's get to the trip!! =)

This is the shelf I made that big boo boo on. Those vase you see in this pic were taken from another shelf. The others that were previously on it..All shattered by me! Even the piece of glass that was supporting all the vase. "What an amazing work of art Rach~!! Bravo!!" *round of applause for myself*

'

!!!=_=

For now! ZzZzzzzzzz.... Nites!!!

Convicted

2008-07-17T15:32:00.011+08:00

"I'm so gonna be thrashing it out on my blog! I cant take it anymore! It's totally one stressful blob that I wish it can dissapear from the phase of this earth sometimes!! Stop irritating me! I had enough!!!"

Those were my thoughts as I was driving back to the office just now. Prior to that I had a really stressful ride in the car and in addition to that I've been stressed by..... Yes! U smarty pants! WORK + the Life that comes with it, is the correct answer. I dont mention bout it doesnt mean everything is alrite at work, and things that are connected to it that is so much part of my life and dear to my heart.

What was so raving with negativity was totally tuned to the opposite by God.
I must give Him all the credit!~ I'm Convicted.
I believe everything happens for a reason. So does the times when you really cant find parking at irrtating busy places like my work area here. Parking in the mall it's rm2 after 3pm. It was 2.55pm then! So brilliant me would definitely wanna wait a lil while just to pay less. rm5 compared to just rm2! Which will you pick?!! *wink* =P

So I parked at the side of a quiet corner at some housing area, to wait for the clock to hit 3! Thought I could have a moment to calm down reading my book and spend some time chatting with God. Unexpectedly I was convicted. As I was reading through a chapter in the book. God taught me again about the principles of communication. Isnt He just so amazing that reading a book that has no connection with what so ever that I went thru just now, He can still connect the message somhow for me to relate and learn something out of it to apply in my situation now.

Honestly, I've not been having some very good communication lately with someone dear and things are just rough. Many a times I just dont have enough patience, due to the many things that we need to handle and upsetting events taking place. I feel unpleasant with the gestures at times and I know I need to refocus.

Many a times when the scenario hits, having patience is just way beyond my control as I felt that I'm being pushed to the core already. I'd give out some unpleasant vibes very spontaneously (and regretting later). It always takes 2 to clap.
But what if one isnt clapping?

I believe for now that's not the matter. It's bout my responsible action. I want to be accountable to God and do my part. Many books out there teaches us bout communication to get what we want. This approach turns words into weapons to further our own selfish desires, and the Bible tells us that this kind of communication is worthless. I want to apply the Godly communication principles. Thank You Father for teaching me and reminding me again what I have already learnt and convicting me of putting in more effort into doing what is right. Your Way! Love you loads God! Hugs~

Romans 12:17-21 is what I'm gonna commit myself to.
James 1:19 is what I'm gonna put in more effort to do.
Ephesians 4:26 is what I'll take note of most and refuse to see myself falling into those unpleasant emotions.

And so I'm really glad this didnt turn out to be a thrashing emo post.

What are the Godly principles that I've learnt you may ask? I'll share bout it prolly during the weekend! =)

=_=.... tt's gonna be the expression on ur face aft the 1st line...

2008-07-17T00:23:00.017+08:00

I'm procrastinating again...
today really no mood to update anything that I am suppose to update...
my apologies.... prolly I'm a tad bit tired as well...

Peeps who have been a blessing past 2 days...
Laura, thanks for the call all the way...You are always the 1st few who are good in reading my 'in-between- lines' and show concern... aha but no biggie at all...I'll be alrite... Facing storms and boo boos are what I've been learning to put up with loads lately...it's just a matter of time to when I get immune to it only...let's not hope it happens...else, I'll be emotionless =P ...

Jane thanks for staying up this morning sharing & lending a listening ear... It's really been awhile since we last had a good long catch up over the phone! I miss the stay overs...

Jack, thanks for brain storming with me a little and temaning me almost the whole day today... could have died of boredom! .. Lol...and now you get the picture eh?!=P

Ruth, haha..thanks for waking me up with that msg this morning!! ruthh..ruthh... what can I say.. I'm speechless~ not that I have nothing good to say.. there's just too much to mention..bottom line, You've been a really great lil sis la.. Who acts like a big sis sometimes..Arnty!! Lol...but I really enjoy your company..really! Gee it's been 7 years! I can practically say I've seen you bloomed! tsk tsk tsk...and we still cant get enuff of each other... Goodness!!hehe

JoshL..My dearest big bro who pampers me with extra ordinary care & concern all the time (that includes nagging sometimes! =P) tho you are like half the world away... aiyo Uncre!! LOL... (ok I'm so gonna kena for saying that..=P) ..Thanks for appearing online at the right time & being open to everything that I have to share and say & always assuring your support and cheering me in everything I do! Yaya I'll do that personal test of yours..no worries...*big smile*

Max buddy... thanks for bringing me out yesterday, tho it was super impromtu and random... really appreciate it loads... I needed that fresh input of opinions and encouragement and you know? hanging with anyone of u peeps from 95 really just cheer me up. It's always refreshing...must be the funky ideas and the out of the box unique thoughts we each have to share man!...Lol..maybe cos we are all "weirdos" of the advertising world ...we can relate to each other and click almost instantly!!
That 8 weeks really created a strong bond between us all la I must say.
B! Yenny!Ummi!Chrissy!Kathie!Andrew! Last but not least... our "hero" Tuck..
When are you guys coming back from all over the world?? Really miss u guys!~ Pls keep the threads goin... I enjoyed it very much and look forward to read em everyday! aww...*grp hug*... ok ok enough of all this mushy stuff!! Lol..

Am I sure it is W_ r_h It??

2008-07-15T17:22:00.013+08:00

"Rach! is it all worth it?? "
That question has been on my mind lately...
You know? Certain things we do out of emotions?...
Making selfless decisions. The power of emotions is just so great that the act can clearly be so not worth it and sometimes may be silly to others even. Because of the intense emotions we have in us, it causes us to do it no matter what it takes. Many a times these decisions are decided without much input of sensible and down to earth thinking.

Only at that one lil random moment when we so happen 'get down to earth' and seriously ask ourselves questions like "why do I wanna do it?...what am I trying to prove?...what are my intentions? ... etc " THEN! only we realised that tho yes!, there are certain intentions. They are good and harmless of course. BUT they may not necessarily give us the result that we try deceiving ourselves that we may get in return.

Many a times we do it because we wanna convey a message that we cant say out loud maybe. Either we are afraid that it'll be disappointing because it may not turn out the way we want it to, or we just know that it aint possible to turn out the way we'd love to imagine it to be.

As I express my thoughts through this post, I now clearly know that I have only 1 intention. And it's really simple. To convery a message that I cant say out loud. I can only show it through actions and just quietly hope that the 'message' is felt by the receiver. As for the results....if it turns out the way I long for it to be, it's an added bonus, a significant prayer answered.

So is it all worth it Rach? Well in a practical point of view, it is not worth it to some extend. I am 100% concious that this is a "do-it-out-of-emotions" kind of decision. Still! I will see that it come to past and do it the best I can. I know that if I share the real deal of what I'm referring to here to some close friends, they'll prolly smack me on the head and suggest that I reconsider.

Well =), it's gonna be a memorable one for me at least (I sincerely Hope). I just need some co-operation and some good planning to whip up a good one!~ I'm capable! I should be alrite i reckon ~

p/s: Sorry this post had to overtake the Penang post today. Just wanted to lift this off my chest a lil. I reckon the Penang post will come 'soon'... prolly tonite.. hopefully...

The return of ........

2008-07-14T13:11:00.015+08:00

ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yea!!! I'M BACK!!!

Got home at 2am this morning! We left pretty late, around 11pm . Dad went wild on the highway! LOL.... and so the journey back was cut short to 3 hrs only! =D Kudos to night driving!
The highway is all yours! =P
Alritey... this is post is just meant to make some noise of my return... ok ok I know...I saje sam pat only.. taking a lil break from work... I malas to post up the pics and blog about the trip now.
See my mood later la..
I just uploaded the pics onto my office comp. Was just browsing through it and watching the video. Had a good laugh on my own..Owh well... my dears...be patient ya.. =P

I shall update on it either later or tomorrow =D

p/s: Gracie dear, we made the video and took some silly pics during our feast JUST FOR YOU!!
We are so thoughtful k!!? LOL.... I'll send it to you personally on email. Cos those are not for public view.
Cos we look stupid! =P well mainly Bryan was the main object lar... =D
_______________________________________________________________________________
SUPER CIS MAN THIS AOL YAHOO GRP!! STOP SPAMMING MY CHAT BOX!!
IRRITATING-NESS!!!!
Random companies, websites or whoever who has the intention of rubbing onto other ppl's chatboxes just to gain exposure! Pls STOP SPAMMING HERE!!! I dont blog for money SO DO THE MATH!!! & CATCH THE DRIFT HERE PLS!
Highly appreciate it, Thank You!

feasting guilt + killing boredom

2008-07-13T18:03:00.012+08:00

*SCREAMSSSSSS* GOSH!!! I feel that I've put on weight!
Haha.ok I'm exaggerating!! =P
It's my own imagination I believe....at least I'd like to believe that...trying a lil self denial trick...but I've seriously been feasting loads past few days I reckon..
I mean come on!! Going on a trip where there's gonna be superb food with the thought of not feasting is a waste of time actually going on that trip right?!! Lol....

I normally dont eat 3 full meals full-on, on food...u know like rice and noodles etc ever meal.No no!!...Normaly only food-splurge during trips or special occasions...so this trip it's like a full on splurge man! 3 meals a day... I'm feeling the guilt...HAHA!! oh well js for this wkend anyways...just enjoy it rach!!

Still here infact! not back yet...I'm just waiting for everyone else to get ready to go out for seafood dinner. I'm bored so I blog. Been reading, sleeping, eating, having good fellowship with Aunty Judy, Unc Eddy, E.J & my family and relieving memories of having a dog(they have a really adorable shit tzu here, so I've been playing, cuddling & manja-ing it loads) mostly, for the past 2 days. Good hibernation for the weekend. Got back from a window shopping, & a lil shoppin splurge spree at Pacific Mall earlier. Didnt buy much though, only 2 pairs of shoes AND mind you, THAT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE ON DISCOUNTS! Like dirt cheap discounts. If not I wouldnt have bought em. =D Ruth! it's dirt cheap ok?! LOL at ur reaction when I msged you earlier...=P

I guess we'll be reachin at arnd 1 plus later.... Let's just hope the journey will not be tiring. Just afraid daddy will be sleepy ... if he is sleepy I wont dare to really sleep. Got to keep watch on him. No idea why ...Man! always 'sei teeng' wan. Sleepy also dont wanna hand over the wheel at times. So yea...I'll definitely be praying for a safe journey back.haha...

Ok I reckon I should stop blabbing here to kill my boredom, but instead add on to yours by reading more..=P Wil update more on this trip with pics when I get back. SEAFOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! CANT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

I'M OFF!!!

2008-07-11T14:09:00.004+08:00

TO PENANG!!!
For the weekend! Will be driving down tonight.
It's a pretty impromtu decision by my parents tho.
Just visiting a family friend whom we'll not see for the next 1 whole year!
It's gonna be a fun family trip I reckon!! It's been awhile since our last lil family trip to somewhere!
I'm so looking forward to it... to the fellowship and oh OH!!!! not forgetting the F.O.OD !!!!!!!!!!

*singing "food! glorious food!! * hehe...

CRAB PORRIDGE!!! SWEET SOUR CRABS!HONEY BAKED CRABS! KAM HEONG CRABS!( and watever other crabs we are gonna be indulging in), LIU LIANS!!! SEAFOOD!!!!!!! and loads of other food I'm sure..
aiyo...drooling dee...rachel better stop tempting yourself, and indirectly tempting your friends!! You meany!! LOL!!! =P
dont worry Gary, I'll eat on your behalf...
Heh heh...I can FINALLY say that to you!!!~ =P

Ok! chai chien! I'll blog bout it if I'm not too lazy when I get back..

~Have a great weekend yourselves guys!! HUGS!!!!~

drama ...drama...time!!!~

2008-07-08T18:05:00.001+08:00

AND SO!...I got into the office today and suddenly my dramatic imagination went wild again...
I cant help it but suddenly burst out in Laughter after imagining it!!!~ ...

I sense this presense..this aura right beside me...with a M-16 viper, aiming at my brains saying this
"Do me! or I KILL YOU!! DO ME!!! or I KILL YOU!!!!!" ~ ROTFL!!!!

Introducing the " I KILL YOU!!" aura....It's name is WORK! .... LOL!!!! =P

Ok sorry that was pure stupidity!...Lol..

oRRTH K!! Back to work Rachel!! Or else.... I KILL YOU!!... like literally...

P/s: I'm totally addicted to my piano recently..cant wait to get home and get stuck on it again... I hope my neighbours are enjoyin all the late night melody... =P

Tough Days~

2008-07-07T17:22:00.005+08:00

Another season has come and gone away... yet these days still prevails...
It's often said that life is like a roller coaster. That's so very true. No matter what season we walk across, tough days are gonna be there to test our faith spur us to grow another notch higher. Enhance our experience in this overwhelming yet fragile bubble called L.I.F.E that we live in.

I'd say now that I'm almost reaching the peak of that roller coaster ride. Hitting the highest spot very soon. When it's there, it's gonna hault and I'll have no idea when the ride is just gonna fall off and dash right down the steep tracks...God knows how deep down it'll fall. I told Laura that at this moment all hell breaks loose at work and I'm slowly being consumed by it. It's gonna be like a 'now-u-see me, now-u-dont' kinda thing..Pushing me against the wall slowly....then POooff!! Rachel's gone!!!~ She told me not to be so dramatic...LOL..... I am very imaginative ... yes!

I like drama-mama kinda stuff... I can be very dramatic at times.. But you know what? That lil illustration there is really what it's gonna be for me..not really that drama after all...besides anything can happen in the world we live in nowadays...well ok not literally fiery around here *rolls eyes*..but the pressures and stress levels are just overwhelming. I might not drop dead or die or something like that...but well drop and faint I really dont know the chances of that...possibility? Yes!~ prolly a 50/50 chance.

Ok maybe not faint and get into the hospital... just fall sick maybe... Hmm..on the contrary, I guess it'll be good to faint and then get to rest and relax at the hospital a few days eh??? =P
Tension break down or something... Shucks...and Then! who is gonna be coming back with piles and piles of work that prolly looking at it will just give a drop-dead-and-die experience after the silly hospital idea?? ME!!!! craps.. looks like either way...Rach you have no choice.. Ok..no! better not faint...Oh ALRITEY!!~... I should get going now... stuck my head back into "Welcome To Hell's work Rach!" corner ~...

Sorry I was in desperate NEED of a lil drama of my own there .... =P
No worries...I'm still sane..u know..just need a lil break sometimes...
It was an eventful week.. hang with friends etc..will post on my weekend when I get hold of the pics!~
Toodles!! =) ...*bouncing off, chanting - "I Love my Job..I Love my Job...I Love my Job..I Love my Job...I Love my Job..I Love my Job...I Love my Job..I Love my Job...I Love my Job..I Love my Job...I Love my Job..I Love my Job...I Love my Job..I Love my Job....................." *

MISSING YOU GUYS LOADS!~

2008-06-27T19:30:00.023+08:00

MY LAMB CHOPS!!
Gosh the more I browse through the pics again and again..the more I love u guys..The more I miss our good ol days when cg first started..(When some havent left for overseas)...The more I think u guys are charming - handsome - adorable - cute, and you my babes are just gorgeous - beautiful - sweet - pretty and above all, my lambies are just all Sooooooooooo LOVABLE!!! Thanks for being a blessing in my life for the past 3 years of serving you. Indeed PCCG has grown to be Persatuan Christian-Christian Ganas!! (when infact that only started out as a lame joke) Lol..Keep the fire going for God guys! I'm so bless to see how cg has grown and how it's Still growing towards the focus being God the center of it all! The unbreakable unity & the bond you guys share among each other is just amazing!! From a 'baby' cg..U all have made cg to be a place that anyone who joins us..(Even for a nite) will call it their home, a place of comfort, filled with ppl who are nice to hang around. Ppl just feel accepted among us. That's the whole purpose and goal of cg. To stand in the gap for each other no matter what and to invest in ppl's lives that they may feel the love of God thru us.
Josh!! Great job!! You know I always have you and ur Joshua Generation in my prayers each day! I'll always be sitting at the 'top of the mountain' watching and being proud of you all!
Love you all to bits!!
I'm missing ya'll loads!
(P:S: I know there are so many pics I didnt put up..did i miss anyone in the pics?? Gosh the past 3 years!! There are like trizillion gazillion pics man! So diff to choose..every piece has a story to tell!! lol..and I dun have all the pics in my office comp. SAM!! deary lamb I still want those pics from ur camera!! Pls burn it for me when you have time. thanks! =D)
I can safely conclude that we all have 2 things in common. We love to post for pics..tt explains why we have so many pics..And we love FDDDDDDDD!!! LOL!!

I miss our Park Culture meet ups!!Our tong sui, do silly things, casual chat, random joggin arnd the park, go high with lame jokes, scream and shout, swing, kononya play basket ball at the park sessions. I miss the si lai sessions too!! Hun! Roe! Angie!! Kita mesti berunitekan kampung kita sekali lagi!! Those bonding moments!! ~ Super miss wei!! Let's do it again soon!!! The only kampung member missing will be Lady...I'm so missing her..

Brainstorm...

2008-06-26T02:29:00.001+08:00

Found this rather interesting and inspiring. The following puzzle is adapted from the work of Michael Michalko, a leading expert in the field of creative thinking skills and strategies.

Count up the number of Os in the following diagram:

XOOOOO
XXOOOO
OOOOOX
OOOOXO
OOXXOO
OOOOOO

How did you solve this puzzle? Were you like most people and you actually counted all the Os? Or did you take the novel approach and figure out the total number of Xs and Os then subtract the Xs to determine the answer?

What would happen if you looked at your own problem a little differently and came up with a new solution?

Wednesday random-ness

2008-06-25T18:38:00.009+08:00

I dont really know what to blog about actually, but I just feel like blogging. Taking a lil break from work. Ok! I shall let my thoughts flow!~

Havent been able to sleep well lately. Been waking up at wee hrs in the morning and having aches all over my body. Either that or I just cant sleep. Need to talk to someone till I feel sleepy. Basically my mind has been working through out. My body longs to get good rest but just not my mind. It doesnt know how to stop running. I'll be dreaming whole night long and gettin flashes of memories through out the night. I'm partially concious when all those takes place. It's like i'm asleep but yet not alseep? You get me? Have you ever experienced something like that before?

It's bad...Really bad! I believe it's the pressure and stress that I face at work. I try very hard to relax and unwind. Somehow when it gets to bedtime, my mind just dont know how to 'off' by itself. Sigh.....

My friend said I have Insomnia. Lol... I dont know.
Prolly there's just too much in my subconcious mind that it's spilling out and over. Ok I feel weird now... Lol!! Another friend suggested that 1/2 hr before I go to bed..just do something that I like and then go to sleep. Well I dont recall doing anything that I dont like before sleeping! =P Lol... I usually read a chapter or two lying on bed, before sleeping. Many times I'll end up hugging the book to sleep after a few chapters. Oh well.. Let's just hope that this will go off soon.. And I'm Not taking sleeping pills! It's just harmful!

I NEED inspiration!! I'm out of ideas!!!~ I'm so in dire need of ideas! You know what? I wish I can just laze around with the whole floor filled with design and advertising books!! That'll be Awesome!! I feel like lying down in piles of design books around me. ok that's random. I reckon when I have my own library..I'm gonna do just that! whole room filled with books, just laze around the whole day in it reading and going through whatever I feel like! =D

I just love grabbing a few books in a book store. Sit, lie down or just get comfy at some corner where there's nobody, flipping through books after books. Heavenly!~

Sandra !!! when are we doing that?? Remember you mentioned some place nice you know?? *Hint hint* =P

somethings surface when you least expect... could be hilarious!

2008-06-24T00:51:00.006+08:00

Lately I've been helping mum do some spring cleaning at home. That's like the routine everytime when dad goes on a business trip. That's a whole new other funny story why mum always choose to spring clean when dad isnt around! LOL...anyhow! So while spring cleaning, guess what I found? My old pieces of so called journals where I just scribble on any piece of paper that I can find when I'm angry and needed to rant or just when I'm all soft and emo-ed up and need to pour my whole heart out somewhere. I forgot that I actually compiled it and left it in some drawers. Even found a piece of letter that I wrote to a friend telling her bout the 1st guy I ever liked and how some big mouth friends whom I trusted so much, betrayed me and told the guy himself that I like him. Lol!! I must say that it was so hillarious to be reading all those!! The way I'd express myself and pour out! Gee!! So not me now! I've so conveniently forgotten about that pile of stuff I wrote.

That pile of stuff was so filled with all the negative experience that I've gone through and the times I felt like such a misfit and lonely and all in my own world of "nobody likes me" low self esteem days. Also some personal issue that I'd never in my life time tell a single human..that kinda stuff that teenager would go through - I dont know what scared me more. That I was like that then or that I've kept it so securely for so long!

And I trully thank God that I somehow made it!~ I mean I'm quite the changed me compare to those days. Not psycho or insecure or have low self esteem. Still whacky and strange at times, I know, and somehow still a misfit in certain areas - but I'm cool with it. Sometimes I feel comfy being all different even to the point I have to speak up and stand my ground. Being a loner in certain mind sets doesnt bother me. Cos I know I have my principals and values and I stand on.
I'm funky & whacky!! Hahaha!!!

So! I decided that it's prolly high time to just let go of the past like throwing all those written so called pieces of 'journal'. I'm gonna compile everything this weekend and burnt it. I bet it'll be therepeutic to watch the past burn away. Did it really happen or is it merely a figment of my perception? We all perceive things differently so who knows what is 'the truth' anyway? Hmmm...

Well I'm going throught yet another storm. It's heading my way and like I said in my earlier post. I tell myself the best thing to do is prolly just to stand there and let it just hit me! Prolly it is time. I need to be ready for another level of personal growth. And another new chapter of my life.

cant think of a title..prolly it's still mix feelings...

2008-06-18T15:41:00.009+08:00

Woke up feeling like I didnt sleep at all though my body was resting. My mind was awake the whole night thru. Since 2am... Got up thinking bout the matter still. Couldnt get my mind off it the whole morning till now...Laura! thanks for calling all the way 1st thing in the morning! =)
(I felt like I kinda walked you up your office while chattin! haha...) Yea my mind was just so all over... Like "oh no! Is that it? I mean I was just hitting on the wrong target board?" Yet it was such a joke.. I felt like a total idiot. Literally! Omg!! All these while....I mean I might be wrong ..catching the wrong frequencies etc... for a moment I felt my heart just shattered into pieces...

And! to top it! When I got into the car, started my engine.. the radio was playing "I will never break your heart.....!" WAT!!??? Do I have to get that too!? Aih..talk bout hilarious coincidence... supposedly the right song for the right mood...sighh...

Pressure is really building up here... I have no idea how I'm gonna survive the coming few months. I dont even dare to imagine the course now. Sometimes I just tell myself to let it just come and hit me. Honestly it feels as if I'm standing in front of the ocean.. expecting a tsunami to hit me.. cos I know it's coming... these few days I can feel it coming already. Sad thing is, I have no choice...I cant go no where.. but to stand there and wait for it to come and drown me.
It's not even a suicide.. I reckon it's more like a forced-no choice kinda suicide. All in the name of obedience and honour.

I see tons of challenges coming ahead of me. I know I need to be all the more positive. I know that! I have been telling myself that time and time again. Every morning I wake up I repeat to myself.."I'm a victor, not a victim!" I reckon I'm human too and as strong as I can be, sometimes I need a break ... A time out session... I need to empty out some emotions and then walk on. You get what I mean?

I was chatting with a friend. He was sharing bout his experiences as a leader and how he understand what I'm goin through. It's so true that we too come to a point of break down sometimes and it makes it all the more genuine to show that though we are leaders, we break down and go through rough patches too. I reckon I'm in a stable break down mode. Meaning, yea I'm down and all but I've encouraged myself and I know I need to pick myself up, not think too much etc...
I just need someone to walk along side me.. Like I have always said so.

I thought there is really no one.. but yday I knew that I found someone. But it's just pretty awkward for now to tell straight to the face. "..so and so..u know you are the one whom I think I feel comfy to talk to" It's prolly not the time to be that direct as yet I reckon. Besides..I wouldnt know how the other person may feel bout it.
Anyways..Hey if you are reading this, thanks for spending the time chatting with me for an hour plus last night! =)

just mixture of thoughts...

2008-06-17T16:28:00.006+08:00

This morning I woke up having mixed feeling of a lil happy - sad, that I feel like crying - gloomy - confused - frustated at the same time trying to encourage myself - hopeful - loved - cared for ....
My mind was practically wondering..I felt for a moment that as if I'm on a path with no direction.

I feel so longing for that something that I feel as if I'm getting it already. But frustated at time that I need it so much but I feel that I'm just running around in circles and not gettin much results.

Also I felt like an idiot yesterday. Well I dont like troubling people if possible and a friend was just so kind to change his plans just to accomodate me. It turned out that I not only jeopardised his plans but made him wait for me for hours. Just cause my own plans were messed up cos I was also waiting for dad to pick me and all. (I could have called him to inform earlier but because I was so occupied I didnt think of calling earlier!! How Silly!!! Gosh I MISS my car!!!) Ok as if that did not make me feel horrible already, I led him to some wrong directions. It's just embarassing la.. KL gal...but a failure in knowing the roads in KL. Oh gosh!! I felt it was a mess!! But thank god that we made it on time for our meet up with some other friends later on. and KL wasnt so jam!!! Phew~ thank god! And out of it all.. this friend was still so gracious and kind to say 'it's ok rachel'... Anyways that was the earlier boo boo part of the fun evening we had la. Things went on smoothly after that... Super thank god!!
Thanks gary..all the favors you've done, fetching me around...I really really appreiciate it loads!!!

Then there are also the other matters that I'm facing. I totally feel that it's all up to my neck already. It feels so difficult to breath at times (figuratively speaking that is). There's just too much of pressure on my platter. Well certain things are just so difficult to share. Not like with any random people. Since a close friend of mine left for overseas. There is no one of the same faith I can really be transparent to share with. I guess I've been boiling it all up. Not that I dont speak to God bout it. I do... ALOT infact... it's just the fact that if someone can walk along side me as i go through stuff that will make me feel a tad bit better I reckon...someone whom I can trust fully...someone whom I feel comfortable opening up to... someone who can really understand me, or at least tries to...someone I can call at wee hours in the morning at times. I know I have alot of friends who care and love me. I totally totally appreciate it. But there's also the thing where it's not everyone we can fully open up to ya. It's different when there's someone whom you fully trust and feel comfortable to share anything with. I guess I'm still waiting...
God I believe you will send...

Nevertheless, there's someone I wanna thank too. Tuck, thanks so much for calling at 2 plus this morning. I got home late and I knew you were already asleep by then. Thanks for calling anyways. Thanks for listening & being so caring always. Though we do not share the same faith and many times it's difficult for you to comprehend the values that I hold and why I make certain decisions, you still listen and try understanding anyways and support me through out. I cant express in words and thank you enough how much I appreciate you. You are indeed one of those friends whom I can count on at anytime, share my thoughts no matter how crazy it may seem to be, makes me laugh even when I'm crying buckets. Thanks buddy!~ Hugs!

Look out point

2008-06-17T14:16:00.016+08:00

Yesterday was Smashing!!! Went out for dinner with a bunch of friends at Look out point where you can admire the entire night view of KL. Oh! before that we all met up at Sandra's house to meet and played around of Taboo! I reckon it's been awhile since I laughed so hard and had such an amazing time with friends. That's cos I have this super sticky friend named Work that'll never leave my side. I had to spend loads of time with it..and sometimes very reluctantly..or rather lately..I feel so sick and tired of it...It's not that my passion for design is dying but it's bout the environment, the surrounding that is slowly killing me. Day by day I have to put up with something I merely submit because of obedience and the word 'honour'..Neways that aside...Let's get back to the Fun part! I honestly enjoyed myself ALOT yesterday.

You know even meeting random people for the 1st time.. you still can have loads of fun. As long as you open up your heart and that lil 'secret box' of yours to reveal your true self and just let loose to enjoy each other's company. As I stood at that tower over looking the whole KL view... My heart just cries out in hopes that the night will not come to an end. But all good things comes to an end eventually. Thank god that we are able to keep the memories. Nothing beats the memories of the sweet moments, happy joyful moments that we can cherish till the end. I wonder when will be my next night of memorable fun.

as you can see, we are attempting a lala post! =P

among all the pics benghan took of the KL scenery.. I like this the most..Love the colour effects around it!

I just love natural pics! haha...looks like the sun is rising from sandra's head! =P

attempting to take yet another pic without laughing half way..resulted in SOOOOOO many attempts...karena just can stop laughing.. she's so adorable!

love the effects!

with sandra & andrew

with sandra & karena(the very adorable lil girl)

karena, andrew, jason, gideon - I reckon they are guessing some word that sandra was trying to make them guess ~ we were playin Taboo again! Made so much noise! Ppl around were looking! =P Lol!

rach, grace, sandra, gideon

gary & andrew

Btw, ALL pics are courtesy of Benghan! Thanks! :)

... what IF ...

2008-06-13T14:30:00.001+08:00

I've been totally zonked past couple of days due to work and nothing but work...work and work...
Been leaving the office at nearly 3am lately for almost the whole week...
Nevertheless I thank god for friends who were concern and kept me accompanied through out.. whether on msn or just sms or call to find out how I'm doing...

Nothing much has been in mind except for completing my design work as soon as possible for output... and Weee!!!! I'm done with it!! It's finished!!!! I'm super excited! Every single time when I'm done at the end of every issue I'll feel so excited, accomplished and satisfied! Despite the draggy moments of changes after changes...the irritating ads that cant be downloaded and sometimes irritating ad agencies who are just not pro at their work... Oh well nobody is perfect! that's for sure ..inlcuding myself..and all those experiences dealing with people are really moments that shapes us and help us grow and mature and most importantly to learn and be a better you.

Ahh well...Suddenly mum just pop the 'what If' question today.... she being the observer of certain things that's been unfolding in my life lately... she had to be concern to ask ... well that's what mums are for right... They are always the first to be concern when it comes to these matters. But! I must say that my mum is really cool and open minded when it comes to bgr.. lol...Ok tt's the only 'taboo' word I'm gonna leave on this post. =P Yea alrite so it's about bgr (gee havent use that term for so long =P)...period.

Sorry this may sound random to some.. cos I'm not revealing what exactly is the "what IF " bgr question here... Anyhow...she asked... and so it got me thinking deeper and in a more serious note..well knowing me...I've obviously thought about it way before mum actually asked.. So I kinda have the answers... just that I've not told anyone... (yea I know..i know by expressing it here I'm like telling the world) But I'm not telling it in details .... just wanted somewhere to express a lil...get it of my chest a lil...
*xiao! i wish you are here!!*

Nothing we cant bring before God right? So I'm trusting God in this area and not allowing what has been taking place affect me. I totally believe that God has it all planned out and I have nothing to worry bout it. Not denying to admit that I maybe curious at times but that's just it. Whatever will be will be. IF that questions pops...my answer will be ......ok! for me to know for you to find out..lol.I know!! potong stim right!!?? =P... that I know for sure... and that's all I can say for now.. Cos I cant do much ... I'm not the initiator... you know myself, being an out spoken and aggresive person to a certain extend, when it comes to this kinda stuff..sometimes I wish I'm the guy....
LOL!!! Trust me I can be a great boyfriend!! IF i'm a guy that is!!!

Strange Things Happen....

2008-06-10T13:05:00.006+08:00

... when I go to sleep ...

I dont know how to start explaining this cos I'm still amazed at what I can do after I fall asleep..
I do have 'special' talents... That, I've discovered...

Oh well.. I used to sleep talk and sleep walk, and one time called a friend while still sleeping... That not happening so often nowadays unless I'm really really tired, then it might have a possibility of happening..But past 5-6 years it's been less... much less...

What happened this morning very much amazes me! Are you ready for this? ...sigh...
I sleep sms!!!!!!! YEAH!!!! I CANT BELEIVE IT MYSELF!!!!
HOW ON EARTH DID I DO THAT?!!!???!!!!!!???

I didnt realise till I woke up receiving a few msg replies...
Curious, I replied some of the msges asking what's up with the msg they sent.That's when I found out that I was the one sending this msg "Great I cant really sleep..." out to frens on my recent call list at nearly 5am this morning!!!

Guys I'm so sorry man!! I have no idea how I did that...and sorry if I woke you guys up with that msg wei! My apologies!! =P
All I could remember is I dreamt that I was trying to sleep but couldnt sleep ... that's about all I remember... must be in my dream I sent out sms to friends..and here am unconciously literally doing it while dreaming...
I really have no idea how all this works man!... It just happens...I cant control it...
It could very well be the working till nearly 3am this morning at the office! I slept at 3.30am I think....

I should read up more on all this sleep walking , talking stuff and understand what causes all this to happen so naturally... I told mum bout the incident this morning...she just shook her head...yea you can say that my family is just used to me and my sleep walking - talking -doing whatever I did after sleeping kinda adventure ..=P

Eighteen percent of the world's population is prone to sleepwalking...and I'm part of the 18%..
Geee..I feel special... Lol!!!!..

S - I - C - K

2008-06-09T22:40:00.003+08:00

... rach is officially sick... =( =( =( =( =(

No Laura.. I'm not lovesick.... I wish I am tho... but well not that for now...
and yes I can hear my lambs laughing and giggling there.... I know u guys are praying day and night that I will be love sick... Farneyyyyy ~ Not!! Bleh....

I'm really not feeling good ... yday nite was terrible... I practically hug the toilet boil..sat there for 1/2 hr waiting to vomit.. cos I can feel it coming... everytime when I try walking out of the toilet... the urge gets stronger ...so decided to stay put and hug the toilet bowl ... while tryin to nap there.... feels like my head is gonna burst man.. after 1/2 hr..I couldnt take it anymore... I cant be sitting down there the whole nite waiting I thought!.... so guess what I did... I just had to dig it out... how? err.. i shall not get into details of that... well if u can imagine a bulimic person trying to vomit out what they ate... that was me then .. and so... BLUEKKKK.... vomitted everything I had for dinner.... felt just a lil better... then I crawled back up to bed... tried sleeping... couldnt sleep.... so how? bring everything to prayer ... so I prayed "God please take away the discomfort and super bad headache plssss " ...

Prayer works!! Just a lil while after that I fell asleep just like that ... this is the 2nd time already ... I rmber it happened quite a few years ago..super bad headache .. prayed the same thing and it felt gd I could just fall asleep right after that ...

Woke up feeling a lil better .... but it's coming back again... gosh... if I vomit again tonite..it'll be 'fruit juice' I tell you! Cos I ate loads of fruits today....

No I'm not home resting just yet...Still working!At the moment I'm just taking a lil break...
I know, I know it sucks... RRrreeal bad~

da blog doctor!

2008-06-09T20:37:00.005+08:00

.......... THANK YOU JOSHY!!!! ..........
FOR FIXING MY BLOG!!!!

Hugsss

The Cameron Escapade - Pt 2

2008-06-05T19:50:00.058+08:00

I need a break from just doing layouts!! I shall take a lil breather here!...I shall not be lazy posting pics...haha....=D...Hmmm where did I stop the last time... Oh yea..steamboat dinner and then we went to Cameron Highlands Hotel to take some pics... Actually I wanted to stop by for the washroom...since it's some porsh hotel..the washrooms should be super clean..since I tahan since dinner...but mana tau..we are not allowed in if not a guest there.. aih..so got to tahan till we get back to the guest house! But meanwhile.. Sandra and Gary wanted to take some pics and soo...

Here's us..playing arnd with our shadow..That's Gary's hand, Sandra in the middle and me..
There's another pic..sorry pic not here will update again...

Oh wait..before that..I missed out some pics of our 1st day there..After lunch..we went for tea at T Cafe.

STARBUCKS!!!!!!! Starbucks is brewing at Camerons!!! lol... Gary was so excited to see Starbucks frm far! WHY? for the free WIFI only! But to his dismay, found out that it's only opening soon! Haha..his disspointed look...it was right infront of starbucks man...the construction workers were looking at him while walking in and out! Me?
I was laughing at the side of course!! I pai seh to pose..LOL!!!!! =P

Strawberry scone!! I like how they serve it with the whip cream..nice!
(I went there for scones but I dont remember really trying it out tho..js a lil piece...haha..funny...)

Ooo..strawberry cheesecake!! I love cheesecakes!!
(You know..everything seems to be bout strawberry in Camerons.. parts of the streets are filled w strawberry balloons and decos..etc..)

We ordered..chocolate and strawberry dunno wat...definitely not scone..hmm was it pancake?? i think so..

Sandra enjoying her strawberry scone!

I was enjoyin the view outside..had a very natural look..till I notice Sandra tryin to take a pic of me.. she told me to stay w that pose..haha by tt time..tak jadi dee..cos dun feel natural anymore..thus tt look on my face in the pic..=P

"sAY CHEESE!! and show me ur sweet sweet smile!" ehe..=)

"Ok I got my fries!! So craving for it man!! hmm..next where should I start? cant make up my mind!! Everything looks delicious!!"

Oh this is our room by the way. I slept on that bed on the right by the window, Sandra on the left ... and Gary?? On the floor obviously!! =P.. yea so gentleman! but on the extra mattress of course!hehe..

There's a pic of us packing up to leave..but dun have it here with me..will edit again..=P

Aler.. time flies man when you are enjoying yourself! It's already the 2nd day!! Neways...we had...

Pancake for breakfast!! Gary and I had Appricot pancake. Sandra had the apple flavoured one i think! Quite a big piece..I couldnt even finish mine..This was the stall Gary was hunting for since we arrive..manatau..it was actually so near to the guest hse we were stayin at.

There's actually another pic of me with the pancake but I'm not gonna post it here...Cos I think I look cacated in that pic! =P..Sandra was tryin to convince me that it isnt while editing this post...but ..wel!! STIL NO!!lol..

Next up! To the Market!! Neeed to get some corn for mum and some aunties!!

... and the crazy si lai moment begins here...

The veges!!! Can go crazy too! I didnt bother if I looked like si lai man! I felt so contented shopping for groceries!! Too bad cant buy more..I bought quite a lot..filled up Gary's car booth!

The roses are just so charming! So tempted to buy..so cheap!! Only rm5 for at least 10 stalks..if not mistaken!

Me and me exclusively hired 'maid'..Lol..not bad wei..strong..'Cute' (personal joke..Gary u shud be able to catch it)..helpful..can even chauffeur you all the way up...anyone interested?? I can give you contact number..
(Sorry la Gary..I js had to do that...=P)

BBQ Jagung...Doesnt look that nice tho..but taste good!! Super sweet!!

Next Stop! STRAWBERRY FARM!!! My 1st time plucking strawberries!!!!!!!!

Get set!! Go!!! I was really excited man!! I rmber screaming in excited over the phone when my mum called.

I think this pic is qualified to get into the strawberry farm brochure! Look at the expression!!HAHA!!

After browsing thru the pics again..I noticed that Gary and Sandra are really serious in plucking strawberries man!! Dont mess with them..dont even think bout laying your hands on their strawberries!! LOL!!

Notice the seriousness?? =P Look at the way he holds the tray.. like his precious babies!!

Look at the face! The strawberry analiser!Lol..

So serious wan!!

Me as usual..slumber aje..I'm excited pluckin strawberries!!

Look at it!!!!!! ~droolz~

Alas! Sandra, super thrilled with the strawberries w picked!

Our very last stop!!! To the tea plantation!!

See who is up there? Went up, captured some really breathtaking view..on the way down nearly pk...=P...aih..a lil sense of regret that I din climb up actaully... oh well..I guess there's all 'next time' =)

As you can see...this is the 'tai kuai tau' who started the jumping shots! This is the very 1st jumping pic taken by Sandra and it's superb!..Pro memang pro!! mind u it's only w a normal digi cam..not DSLR...hehe...

Gosh I have no idea how many times we had to do the jump to get it right man! Trust me..there were quite a few horrible ones..haha..this is the best one! I seldom jump for pics and I honestly felt weird doing it again and again at 1st...I was quite self concious..HARLO! There were ppl watching!! Gary and Sandra was thrilled I'm sure! LOL!! Oh alrite...it was Fun tho..and I got hooked jumping too at the end! =P

One of my favourite!

aww...memories...

Group Pic!!Wouldn't be complete without one! =) Love this! So nostalgic! I'm prolly gonna print it out and frame it up!

Another groupie pic before leaving..

Lovely. Our last shot before leaving the plantation

Notice anything different here?? =)
On the way down the hill...the scenery was irresistable...we just had to stop by the road side to take a few shots

There you go! Our camerons trip! Really realy enjoyed it! 2 days was definitely not enough..tt's for sure! I'm sure you both will agree to that! =) And the jokes while playing Taboo! Widow tree?!! and that "we wish you a merry chrsitmas" song that came into our mind simutaneosly... Oh! and locking Sandra out of the room unconciously!! OMG!!!! and me falling off the bed like countless times!! I have no idea why..so retarded!! =P ... I've never fell once before on my own bed k!! aih..tt bed is cursed!! LOL!!! and ' some' ppl tot I was sleep walking and talking when I was actually just freezing and trying to get some help to warm myself... called for help to no avail at all! *pssft* LOL!! Thank god for Sandra who came to my rescue!! Oh well gd times and some other silly funny stuff that took place..My best trip so far this year!...
Guys! Thanks for the time! You both are trully a blessing!
Looking forward to our next stop!!! _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ !!! Astalavista babeh!!...

a lil cloudy..

2008-06-05T16:29:00.003+08:00

This morning didnt started well at all. Well..well..Not everyday is gonna be all sunny rite?! Unwanted scenarios do happen once in a while to spice our lives up! =P

Well the environment is all stable for now. Thank god for the most important guy in my life! My lil 'boy-boy' came out with us today and in the office now... Keeping me accompanied and cheering me up with all his "Lala Buster" jokes and comments! Seriously laugh till I cant stop! He really did made a difference in the office today! Made a big difference to the seemingly dead atmosphere around. I wish he can be here everyday!!~ Love him to bitzzz....

btw..my lil 'boy-boy' is my brother la... Lol...indeed the most important guy in my life right now...

feeling bonkz

2008-06-04T18:44:00.008+08:00

No idea what that means... it's just how I feel right now and that word just came into mind..
Looks like it's gonna be another 2am OT for me today...Yday left the office 2 plus am..
It was the call that 'woke' me up a lil cos honestly I was totally bored doing layouts after layouts the whole day! So mundane!! *yea..yea like how you put it... you guys have magic over me lar* =P

I'm so gonna collapse man... I need more adrenaline rushing moments... hehe (Laura you'd know what I mean) =P... I wish it'll happen everyday!!... it was tiring but all worth it lar...I totally enjoyed it...

Hehe..ok the rest of you must be wondering what on earth am I referring to.. *winks*
That's for me to know and maybe not for you to find out... if you know what's happening in a certain part of my life right now, you'll prolly, prolly know what I'm referring to..Prolly a few of you might know.. Laura you shud know!.. you were the one who defined it as 'adrenaline rush"!! LOL... k k... back to work Rachel!!!!!

Currently: I'm sitting beneath the aircond... feeling like as if I'm at north pole..cuddled in my jacket..sipping on a cup of Hot marmite...Mmmm....heavenly!

The List

2008-06-03T16:47:00.013+08:00

Folks I have loads to update I know. 1st off is the trip I went with my frens. The one I was super excited for. Yes yes...I still remember...
But that is not as important as this that's been in my mind lately.
I've started reading a book about marriage. About the intimate relationship that a couple share in marriage. It has totally opened up a whole new realm of the meaning of "marriage" to me. It's not just about 2 person saying "I do" and then live 'happily ever after forever' or rather that's what we idealistics hope for...Yes, it's till death do us part. There's more towards that than just those simple common lines that we always hear during a wedding ceremony.

I realised so much more than I already have, that we gals..ok or rather woman..haha...plays a VERY important part in a family. That's why mothers are celebrated so much. Not that the dad or the guy isnt important but the woman as a whole has so much more of a role than just a mother and a wife. Especially the role as a wife. Being a wife has so much to it than we can think of. We are what I would like to call the secret to a happy family. Truly we are. Because it's our personal actions and decisions and sacrifices we make for and towards the family that makes a happy and united family. We are the guardian of our families. The bridge even for the kids to the dad. There's so much I'm still yet to find words to descrive it.

However, the more I read this book. The more I'm inspired to be a blessing as a wife and a mother to my future family... Infact, it has confirmed that what I have been doing lately is right.
You see, we gals.. we All have a list!! D secret list!! Haha...basically just the list of criterias of the kind of guys we like...hmm... Lately I've been reminded that giving is better than receiving..a lesson that I myself is constantly learning. To be more generous in different ways...be it time or money or knowledge...etc..

So! I'm thinking, instead of just focusing on listing down the criterias of a guy we want. Have you ever thought of what you can offer your guy instead? Where's that list that states what we as gals can offer as a promise for ourselves to be a blessing to our future family? A list of personalities and character and maturity that we have for ourselves to grow towards and that the guy will see in us thru who we build ourselves to become. For him to know you are worth all the love that he can pour out. As much as we gals wants security and you know how our mother's often teach us that the guy should be the one pouring more into the relationship than the gal? So that we gals dont get hurt?? I wont say I dont agree with that statement.. But not entirely. It'll be selfish to think that way entire. Guys are humans too. God didnt create them for us to treat as cows.(err ok God knows why cow came into my mind!! LOL!!) He created both male and female to support each other. God said "Husband submit to your wife and wife too need to submit to your husband" He didnt say husband should submit to wife more than wife do"! Make sense??

That all just got me listing down the list I can offer, and continue building myself toward that ultimate goal to being successful in one of my primary mission on earth. Besides the great commission, it's also to be a good and enjoyable companion to my future partner and mother, to my future kids. Having said all the above..I'm not putting us gals down and say guy can over rule us now. I'd say it should be the same for guys. Instead of just looking and always checking gals out if they fit the 'ultimate' physical appearance on ya list. Why not safe some time and list down what you as a guy can offer the gal that may give them security of your leadership. Dont forget that God made the guys to be leaders of their family. Not just 'chick' watching your whole life. You do have a mission btw, if you do not already know. LOL...=P

Gals! Happy listing.. Well that's all I have in mind for now.. I'll prolly conitnue another time should I have more to share... hmm ladies..we can prolly share our list here...maybe..*wink*

The Cameron Escapade

2008-06-03T01:33:00.001+08:00

I didnt expect this trip to come by at all. Simply because I've been so busy with work that the word "break" doesnt really appear anymore. It's just always work work work..Yea it's really bad..BAD!!I used to think that it's so cool being a workaholic. Boy! am I so silly to think so! It'll just bring me to my tomb faster than I could even reach the next decade of my life...Lol..silly funny...but true..
We ought to really take time out to rest and relax once in a while. What has the world made us to be?!!! Gosh!! =P

Well, in an ironic way, it was kind of whacky for me going on a holiday with friends I'm not very close with. What's even more surprising is that I invited these friends to stay over..lol...I only knew Sandra in a 2 mins chat during Jack's bday party this year. Then js small chats on blog and msn. Somehow we just got closer..somehow we just click tho. And Gary! Lol..met on a one day trip to Malacca during CNY. Out of not where just hang out a couple of times and pretty much just click I guess..This trip was originally his brilliant idea..and I was suppose to be the one tagging along with him and his friends..I ended up being the organiser when last minute his frens bailed out on him thinking that the trip was cancelled. Joker! Lol..So neways we got Sandra to tag along...I guess pretty new experience for the 3 of us..found out later that it's our 1st time ever going on a trip w friends we are just merely aquaintance with! One thing I have to say..for myself at least that sharing the same faith does help us bond and connect better...as if we've known each other for some years..that's how I felt =)

Anyways, travelling along the countryside was really breathtaking. I realised how much I really miss the outdoors. As the slow journey forces one to slow down from where ever or whatever fast paced life you are coming from. Slow, was the word to sum up the entire break. All two days were spent really relaxing, enjoying the cool air and the company of ppl you know you need not entertain on purpose(if get where I'm coming from), instead just feel comfy with each other, and as if there's 48 hrs in a day for me! Not forgettin we slept quite abit on this trip and ate quite a bit too! Imagine you frame a picture and watch time stand still in it. Literally feels like that. I could not recall skies so blue and the greens seems so green?? hehe.. What a delicious way to spend doing nothing. I loved it...we LOVED IT! =) Sweeeet...Awesome-ness!! However...no matter how slow time may seem to be. When it's all over... It feels as if it just zoomed past.. I felt so captured by the slow time there that as if I couldnt comprehend the fast pace again when we got back..Thus leaving me longing for more breaks!! I still do crave for it!!~ I'm really looking forward to our next escapade!! I've marked my calendar and I'm seriously counting the days man guys! =P

Neways...I've prolly typed too much...haha...enjoy the pics!
(I'm sorry I'm really bad at posting pics up...so bare w the cacatness...and tt's all for now..u know it really test my patience posting up pics on the blog..thus the absense of pics on most of my blog post =\)

Gary and I.. a quick one..we were walking down to the restaurants at Brinchang for dinner.
Sandra just said "pose" and snap! Lol...
I quite like this pic...it's blurry thus giving it the Camerons misty feel..at least I think so!=P

Sandra and me.. lol..like as if super cold! So happen we both have a hoody! Roe thks man..ur hoody saved me frm freezing...=P

Steamboat for dinner!!!!!! A must in cold weather!! Super syiok. The boss was so kind. He gave us extra lauk!

Sandra ..our chef for the nite!! hehe..

I just like this pic of the 2 of u! sweet...

Steamboat group pic..saja!=P

This pic's bg is superb. Looks like they've been cropped out of some pic and placed into this one.

Nite scene at the Camerons Hotel. 250USD/nite. Some Porsche club was there occupying the whole hotel.
Sandra thought there's where we are gonna stay just cos our place is called Cameronian Inn...Lol..slight difference of name..Major difference in the look and feel man!haha...

First stop..Luncgh!! Food!! Ate at this place called Ferm Nyonya. Funny name..but the food was gd!

Nice place for breakfast actually...but no idea why we didnt have breakfast there instead..*shrug*

The Guest House we put a night at. Cameronian Inn. Really nice place to pair off.. Oh well not for me this time...
I should visit again someday and officially pair off...Lol...

Kla..tt's all for now..it took super long to post the pics up..I drained my patience for the day already..will prolly add on more tomorrow..I'm still in the office btw!! =P

SCREAMS

2008-05-23T23:05:00.003+08:00

I'M SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SUPER EXCITED!!! SUPER SUPER SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!!!!
Gosh my heart is pumping so fast now!! YA!!!!! SUPER HAPPY AND EXCITED!!

Yea feels like a kid again!!! Feels like the 1st time when my parents told me they are bringing me to the zoo when I was a kid!! Cant sleep, anxious, SUPER DUPER excited, kinda feeling!!!!!

WOO HOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Geee, rach you've got to calm down man!! People might pretty well think that you've gone insane at this point!!! ... slow..deeeeeep breath....and exhale....slow deeeep breath and exhale...inhale.......exhale....ok I'm kinda calm dee.....
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-
-
-
-
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Ok!!! That's it! I cant contain it stil!!
I'M S.U.P.E.R -D.U.P.E.R E.X.C.I.T.E.D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
phewww...okie fine that was my last time screaming out my excitement here okie!! back to work!! Yes!!! I'm still at the office!!! O.T!!! O.T!!! So that I get my break next week...oh yes...I'm so excited just cos I get 2 days leave to enjoy myself with some frens (4 days including sat & sun!)...well as to where we are going, heh heh...you'll find out!! till my next post with some pics!!... It was really random and impromptu! Hehe..I like randomness ~ okie yea...If I sound desperate to you...yea I AM DESPERATE for a break. I know, super sam pat right!!? But Who cares!!! MY BREAK IS FINALLY HERE!!! I havent taken leave since I started working here=)
Okie doks...I really gotta get back to work...Hope you all have a good rest this weekend peeps!

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!!!Hugsss......

itsy bitsy itchy....

2008-05-21T21:55:00.002+08:00

My recent past time is bathing under maximum hot heater water. Cos it really soothes my itching skin. My hands and legs have been itching for almost a month now. No idea why. Went to the doc he said it could be emotional stress! 1st time I hear emotional stress can cause skin irritation! sigh...The medication and cream he gave also no use. Finally got some chinese medication and cream...aih...Came out from the bathroom smelling like strawberry fruit...5 minutes later smell like some herb plant!!!

Aih...what to do....no choice...I need to get rid of the skin irritation...it's been almost 1 month already and I sure dont want it to get worst or even worst still spread to the face!! *shivers*
No idea what started the whole irritation. Weird~*argh~ feels like scratching but I cant!! Super cis man!!*

Kicking off!!

2008-05-16T16:57:00.007+08:00

YES!!! !!!!!! Kicking off to the wkend again!! MY GOSH!!! 1 week past just like that!
Literally like a blink of an eye!!
What a day its been… my head is spinning, but in that good, dizzying, design is in the air kind of way. Up at 7.30am, run some errands, to work by 10am , on the computer since then, yummy beef noodle all the way from KL at 3 plus, picking up phone calls in rush hour trying to complete job for the day, retouching photos aft photos, run banking errands, and here I am, at the end of my work day now..HALLELUYAH!!!!! Cant wait for the nite to come..watching Narnia tonite!! Woo hoo!! 1 wish come true! Finally get to relax a lil this week.…Hopefully get to spend some personal time with mum tomoro... Looking forward to a nice slowwwww wkend..Lord pls not let my weekend past by so quickly...slow down time!!! Amen!! hehe..
So, while i start to crash out now, check out the pics for a peek into the wonderful weekend I had 2 weeks ago.…
[In hopes of posting up more pics soon...hehe...rmber I still owe u guys some pics of the pressie I made for mummy too?! *winks*]

I WANT!!!!

2008-05-13T16:06:00.005+08:00

A SUPER ROCKING FLUFFY SHEEP!!!!!!
I first fell giddily in love with these at the Danish Crafts space at ICFF last year (saw it on a designer's blog) - and just noticed that this year they are launching in hot pink and black (and also an unpictured brown and grey)… I wish I can get a hold of them!!! I wish!!!
These are designed by Povl Kjær.
I SO SO SO wish that I can be like some lucky designers who are now gearing up for Design Week in NY for nearly 2 weeks!! Gosh one of my dreams is to get to NY and be part of their art and design culture there! If not at least get to experience their exhibits and designs shows also quite the dream come true already!! I shall dream on and see it come to past!!

Anyhow, back to the Baa baa PINK sheep!!!

From the Danish Crafts Collection Site:
The Rocking Sheep is a rocking animal designed primarily as a toy, which is also a unique crafts product that fits into any setting as a piece of furniture with a wide range of functions, including serving as a TV rack and as a footstool. The Rocking Sheep is made in varnished pine, padded with foam rubber and upholstered in lambskin. The first Rocking Sheep was a gift to Povl Kjer’s niece as a humorous reminder of her parents’ rural background. The Rocking Sheep are handmade in small series to preserve the high level of quality. The Rocking Sheep comes in white, black, brown, grey and pink. The dimensions are W: 25 cm, L: 83 cm, H: 60 cm, seat height approximately 40 cm.

Povl Kjær
b. 1954, Danish Designer
Kjær trained at Kolding School of Art and Design 1974-76 and at the Aarhus Art Academy 1976-78. In 1981, he completed his apprenticeship as a wood carver, and since then has worked in most areas of the trade including ornaments, figures, moulds, models, reconstruction and renovation. Povl Kjær works mainly in wood and often handles assignments from museums, exhibitions and private companies. Among his works are exhibition mannequins for the Carlsberg Brewery. For the Hans Christian Andersen Museum, he created a sculpture of Hans Christian Andersen and a set of wooden figures to illustrate Andersen’s fairytales. Kjær has also worked with Lego and designed a knife series for the steak restaurant chain A Hereford Beefstouw. In his knives, shape plays a crucial role.

Mummy's Day

2008-05-09T15:54:00.016+08:00

Yup yup!! Mother's day this sunday!!! What are you doing for your mummy!???

This was what I've been doing last nite when everyone was asleep.

I'm giving my mummy a top. I'm personalising it with some sewing that say "MUMMY DA ROCKSTAR STAR".... I'm sure she's gonna like it !! But wearing it out...haha I have to Dare her to!! Oh but my mum is quite the spot..I'm sure she'll wear it!~

A lil more to go...When it's all done..I'll post some pics on it...get my mum to model it ...=P LOL....
Hope you'll all have a wonderful beyond wonderful time with ya mum!

I'm going off early today..Cant tahan the ITCHY-NESS!!!! Going to see the doc. Finally! Ciss...banyak menagadar! I've been having some rash thingy all over my hands and legs and *screams* i js felt one lil tiny dot of rash on my chin!!!!! ~ CANT let it get to my face man!! =P

I've been scratching all over my hands and legs... like some monyet ...sighhhhh.....yday nite didnt sleep well due to the rash too... woke up like super early this morning... laze on my bed wondering what I can do..Ehe...thank God send 'angels'. Just 5 mins after I woke up and couldnt sleep, a fren sms to find out if I'm awake..perfect timing! So I went out to my parents room to get dad's hp to reply (havent pay bill mar..so my hp terpotong lo =P) Parents tot I was sleep walking..so farney..LOL... Anyways, my fren called and we had a nice long chat.

Well anyhow thank god for frens! They somehow appear in times of need..was quite a random call but was a plesant surprise!!~ =) Okie!! SUPER ITCHY now!! Cant wait to get to the doc!! Let's pray it's not something major.

...GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!! Hugss...

Busy week....Exciting events!

2008-04-29T23:33:00.007+08:00

OH MY!! OH MY!!! Cant wait for this week's happening to unfold one by one!
You know I'm actually quite lazy to blog..as I was just telling Sandra that on msn..tsk.tsk..
But my fingers itchy wanna update blog. Plus always looking at the same post can get a lil bored eh?! =P ...Awww but I just love the pic of Judah - Xiao - myself on my previous post! Such an adorable one..They both are!! I wanna blog bout them..but there's just to much to say and express.
Hmm...I'll prolly update on that soon...(cross fingers =P)

Oh and Angie! Thanks so much for going out with me just now! Thanks for being there when I needed. You are one I can count on at moments like just now..Hehe..Really appreciate it lar! Hmmm I shall say that what happened earlier was really a blessing in disguise! Gave us the opportunity to catch up one on one! Hugs!!~

SO!!!! MY happening busy week! (Gosh this is being so vulnerable..listing down my schedule..but oh well once in a blue moon wont kill I suppose)

Okie! Here it is :
- FGA Sports Day
- Wedding dinner
- Church wedding - I LOVE weddings!!
- Sleep overs!!! - Oh I love sleep overs!! Get to berbonding..Timmy's on hols!!! So originally it was just Timmy on sat, now prolly Jo coming along!!~ =) my buddies!
So happen!! Found out Nath is going for Deb's wedding too on Sat and he is stayin over my place to go together. So it's dinner w him on Friday too as I'll be picking him. Bet my bro will be delighted..he'll have some happening company this weekend too!! hehe..
- Meetings!!
- Breakfast with our cg fellas! ( hopefully ya guys!? =D)
- Back to my crazy designing schedule!! Wo hoo!!~-
- and prolly a gals nite of berbonding and chilling together with some gal frens..I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that too eh babes?! No promise yet but I shall try. =)
- some other appointments prior to the weddin~ heh heh...it's a gal thing..=P

Yuppy yup! All that within this week! Should I say hectic or just FUN?!! ..Hmmm okie I shall pick FUN!! I'm so looking forward to everything!! =D

There you go. Rach's week..Hopefully my next post will have some pics of each happenings eh! Pray that the lazy photo resizing spirit goes away....LOL!!

Till then ... U GUYS HAVE A GREAT WEEK YOURSELVES!! HUGSSS!!~

Hou kua chu lei!!!

2008-04-25T01:42:00.003+08:00

I'm missing u both loads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...........sobsss...........

ermm....._ O _ R _ Y....

2008-04-21T20:59:00.003+08:00

I guess I should be apologising to you guys who visits my blog...Ive been screaming way too much on my previous post(ehe...but I like the colours of the *screams*. Nice gradient! Love it=P)...
I really appreciate all the concern and care from those of you who checked on me. Thanks so much!! Hugsss..... really meant alot to me..=)

Guess there are just moments, some days that I'm at the peak of the 'roller coaster' ride, and things just go out of hand a lil and everything just starts spilling out and over. It was just some really unfortunate evetns that had to take place 2 days in a row and that was why I was totally way off the hill. Been kinda stressful too lately with things at work. BUT THANK GOD! Finally got things done and here I am taking a lil breather before I jump right back into the crazy-work-load zone again.
That's why I SO NEED A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which is something just on my wish list to dream on for now. Though I know there isnt gonna be any real break for me coming up anytime soon. I'm as good as any final student rushing for assignments and final year projects. Difference is, mine has no end to it. So you Final year students out there, it's still BETTER being a final year student. I honestly rather be a final year student now if given a choice. =P

~I really miss college!! I wanna get back to study!!! Be a student again! ~

NO TITLE!! Just wanna let it out!!!

2008-04-16T15:57:00.008+08:00

I feel so bumped and ditched at the moment!! SUPER!!!!!!!!!!!
So much for being part of a community!!!!...
*i need talk to myself for a while..pls excuse me*
I know i know..I need to calm down...It might not be as bad as you imagined it to be..just be understandin okie?? calm down...and relax....season comes and goes...prolly this aint that season anymore...Just release it and let it go!!
Rach REFOCUS!!!! REFOCUS!!!

*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!**SCREAMS!!!!!!!!*
*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!**SCREAMS!!!!!!!!*
*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!**SCREAMS!!!!!!!!*
*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!**SCREAMS!!!!!!!!*
*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!**SCREAMS!!!!!!!!*
*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!**SCREAMS!!!!!!!!*
*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!**SCREAMS!!!!!!!!*
*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!**SCREAMS!!!!!!!!*
*SCREAMS!!!!!!!!**SCREAMS!!!!!!!!*

yES !! yes!! YES!!!!!! I KNOw!!
It's emo rach taking over this blog post right now!!!
right at this moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
I just need to release and let go!! Cos I obviously cant literally SCREAM now!

~ phewwwwwwwwwwww.................~

>_<.......

2008-04-14T15:11:00.002+08:00

*SCREAMS*
I MISSED KL FREEZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sobssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!! =(

Sigh....I'm hoping they'll organise another one soon....

Belated Fools ... lol...

2008-04-02T09:35:00.007+08:00

It was April Fool yday!! If you've not noticed! I'm sorry, you missed the chance to officially fool people and not get whacked up for it!! Lol...I didnt plan to do anything at 1st... It's just another day rite..but towards the end of the day I just cant resist but to prank 2 people that I thought might be worth while! Boy am I right! We had a good laugh!! But I feel bad after that..=P...cos they were so kind and were honestly happy with the news I told them!!! oH well....heh...

It made me realise a small lil detail bout this friend actually...Something sweet..Something I did not expect and had concerns in mind before this.
I'm well assured now! =D

Oh!! and it's also Ian's Bday yday!! BLESSED BELATED BDAY BRO!! No I'm not joking. It was really his birthday!! Haha..yea I was just asking him if people had not beleived him before when he tell ppl his bday falls on the 1st of April..Would be such a bummer if people not take you seriously on ya bday, instead taking it as a joke! =P

Neways! I'll be back for more of my lovey dovey writes! I have so much in mind!!
It's bursting out and spilling over!! eww.. that somehow sounded gross..
I'm imagining brains bursting and splattered all over~!Haha!! =P...

Laters...Ta! =)

"Will you marry me?...I thee wed"

2008-03-30T17:10:00.014+08:00

Musing lazily on love, Pondering you, I'll give it time, give it space & be still for a spell...Indeed I am...Thanks Josh for the comment on my previous post. The song really speaks of exactly how I feel deep down...should i sigh now..HAHA!!! nahhh..maybe not..I shan't...:)

Sigh....ok that was a sweeet sigh....*smiles*....
I've been coming across quite a few love poems lately...just warms my heart so much reading thru them...I will cuddle in bed, under my soft cozy comforter reading em...here's one that's trully sweet..

If ever two were one, then surely we,
If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee;
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me ye women if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold,
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee, give recompense.
They love is such that I can no way repay,
The heavens reward thee manifold I pray.
Then while we lived, in love let's so persevere,
That when we live no more, we may live ever.
ANNE BRADSTREET

Some friends getting married soon and others having just got attached and engaged. Brings me to think alot more bout rship and mariage than I already always have...perhaps this post shall be called " Will you marry me? I thee Wed"...

"He has been feeling out the emotional environment with the one he loves, They have talked about what they like, what they want, what they dont, they have talked about who they are and how they beleive. They share a common commitment to walk in God's ways. He is certain that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. He is sure that the intention is mutual.

He is ready. It is the culmination of months, or years, of getting acquainted, praying for direction, nurturing a relationship, learning the give and take of love, and seeking the wisdom of
friends and family.

He has rehearsed this moment in his mind a thousand times, and is not about to ask the all important question on a whim.

Why, then, do his lips quiver and knees knock? Why is this man's heart pounding?"

Then before all they stand, the holy vow
And ring of gold, no fond illusions now,
Bind her as his, Across the threshold led,
And every tear kissed off as soon as shed,
His house she enters, there to be a light,
Shining within, when all without is night;
A guardian angel o'er his life presiding,
Doubling his pleasures and his cares dividing.
SAMUEL ROGERS

Just three words... I thee wed ...

When the three words are spoken, the course of two individuals change forever. The dreams and destinies of a man and a woman merge.

Just three words...

Two become one...sigh..so touching..I'm so emo dee typing out this post here =P...but i just cant stop..the inspirations keep flowing...

When a groom recites the words I THEE WED to his bride he pays the highest compliment. He is - with God, his family, and best friends - Looking on, saying to her, "There is not other, nor will there ever be. You are the person I have chosen as my partner, my best friend, my lover, my companion...FOR LIFE."

When a bride says I THEE WED to her groom, she is revealing the deepest places of her soul, giving him the key to her own personal garden of Eden. She is choosing him to be the father of her children, her comforter, protector, and ally in life. She says, "Never will I want another. Never will I walk away. Never will I allow my love for you to die."

Just three words.
Wow... isn't it so powerful? The meaning behind those 3 words..it speaks volumes.. I can prolly cry when I'm reciting my personal vows to my husband on the altar in future..(Yea..those of you who know me well...You are definitely nodding your head to that. =P)
Those vows, simple as it may seem, and similar everytime when you hear it..but it means so much to me. Every single time when I hear a couple reciting it, I can just tear. Because every couple is like a snowflake that God has created. Different from others. Only a pair in the whole wide universe. Thus every vow that is recited has it's own deep and significant meaning to it. Oh I cant wait to attend another friend's wedding soon to hear them commit their lives and reciting their love to each other thru the vows.

Gosh I have so much more to write bout the meaning of the words in the vows..I shall continue another time...I'd love to write more bout it! ~ Till my next post, hope you enjoyed this~ =)

Random sweet day dreams...

2008-03-24T23:23:00.010+08:00

God knew his chosen time;
He bade me slowly ripen to my prime,
And from my boughs within the promised fruit.
Till storm and sun gave vigor to the root.
BAYARD TAYLOR

As we come to a certain season in life, we begin thinking bout not just a life of our own,

but a life with someone to share with. Have you ever wonder how you are prolly gonna meet that special someone of yours? I think it's just normal that we wonder and imagine a lil here and there. Especially us girls..day dreaming bout when our prince charming will come sweep us off our feet and how it's gonna take place, how's the moment gonna be and what will the story become, from the moment we meet. I often wonder and imagine too. Wondering how my story will unfold. I love listening to couples sharing their story of how they met and then ended up together...

"I knew the first time I saw her..."
"I'd known him as a friend for the longest time, then one day...."
"To tell you the truth, at first we didnt really like one another that much, just thought we'd be good friends, cos it just seems so impossible...then, out of nowhere...."

Talk to one hundred happily married couples and you'll get one hundred different stories about how two people recognised there was something special between them. I beleive that God makes matches the way He makes snowflakes. No two are exactly alike.

We all know couples who met, knew they were right for each other almost instantly, and married as a matter of course. Then there are the two people who for the longest time had no romantic feelings about one another, but ended up crazy in love. Others have had to overcome difficult obstacles like distance, or differences in culture and family background in order to make it to the altar. What a variety of stories there are about the success of relationship when God brings 2 person together.

I beleive God knows exactly who best suits you and I as friend and a lifelong love. His ways are mysterious and full of grace. Beforehand, you have no way of knowing what beautiful moment he is dreaming for you. But when time, circumstances, and your inward preparations are just right, He conspires to do the impossible - igniting the fire of interest and attraction.

He leaves it up to you to gently fan the flame. I'm waiting for that moment of mine. God is full of suprises, and I'm assured that God is working on my behalf, painting my special moment right now. I remember 2 friends
who shared some concerns of why is it not happening for her and for him now. Feeling so anxious, wondering when it'll come. Both are very dear to me. I totally understand and know how it feels. Because I've been on that journey before. My dears, I hope you'll be encouraged by my 2 cents worth on this post.

Many a times it's not you that's the problem. It's just not the right time yet. Your destiny is not tied to the people who walk away from you. You may discover that sometimes, if you dont keep things stirred up, God will stir things for you. Meanwhile, keep ourselves at prep, dont let good enough just be good enough! Constantly prepare ourselves to be the best that we can be so that when we meet that special someone, we will be of much value and a blessing to him/her. As of now, give your dreams a new beginning and trust that it's taken care of by God. God is more interested bout our love life than we ourselves do. =)

Besides, we have each other now. Enjoy our moments together before 'someone else' comes by and steal the attention away from us. *wink*...love u guys loads.Hugs!~

Praises to my beloved...

2008-03-23T22:43:00.008+08:00

I LOVE U GOD!!!! I LOVE U GOD!!!! I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!! Cant contain it! I just had to declare that to the world. Well, at least to my small lil world here.You are truly, truly an amazing God. Thank you for the word!

Was half dead at service this morning. Cant help it when you hang out with a bunch of wacky frens havin out of the blue ideas of watching a midnite movie, and then later to buy vcd at 1.30am in the morning and Then to the mamak at 2 am!! I only slept at 4am.. After eating at 2am, I was wide awake..but had to wake up at 6 this morning for service..Aaron, thanks for the song man..I literally had to play the song as a 'lullaby'..just so that I could get myself at least 2 hrs of sleep!

Neways back to the topic..So was at serv, half dead and well just a lil confession, I slept thru half way of the play =P..not only me..the person beside me too..heh heh..and I shall not mention who=P
Oh but I've already seen the play on Friday. The msg came afterwards, but I couldnt really concentrate. Sorta get the geist of the msg..it was Michael Koh speakin!! I've got to slap myself, do watever to listen to him..His one of my fav speaker in church. Neways he was speaking bout a new life and that Jesus came to die for us = He has done everything for us on the cross. It is Done! In our problems we need not doubt if God is going to deliver us from it , Cos it IS DONE! We just have to claim victory! His msg was along those lines. Gave an alter call at the end.. One of the group of ppl he mentioned was those who want a new life, one of it also concerns career. The moment he said that, I couldnt deny but to tell myself to stand up.Did not expect the lil something that came later. Didnt even expect the msg this morning to speak right into my heart even in a 'half dead' condition. So he prayed for the different groups of ppl he mentioned and prayed for those who stood up. I tot that was it and nothing else. Then he encouraged those who stood up to get prayed for at the front. I hesitated at that time.

I guess being a leader, so often we are the ones who are out there praying for others that when it comes to ourselves, this time,I felt a certain vulnerability to step out there to be prayed for. Deep down in me, I felt something nudging me to go. Thoughts like "What if God has a word for me? If I dont go then I might miss the chance again!! considerin that I missed it at Marcel's cg the other nite! Rachel u better go NOw!!!" Those were just runnin thru my mind and I was so battling with myself to go out...But then prolly too late cos by the time I wanna make my way up, elder Ng was giving the bendiction already. Alamak, potong steam!..hAHA!..Told Xiao bout it anyhow, and she went out with me, and she got Michael to pray for me too! Thanks babe! Totally appreciate it!!
Lil did I expected, indeed there was a word from God. That lil nudging in my heart back
there in my seat was definitely the Holy Spirit!!U coward Rachel!! I told myself, should have js listen to the nudging! Neways..I'm truly truly blessed. Cos wat God had to say was simply just "Rachel, dont be fearful, u need to take away the fear of making the wrong decisions and the worry bout making the right decision, and know that I've already taken care of everything"

Wow...That just blew me away, cos during praise and worship, those were my concern. I was telling God that I am afraid to make the wrong decision yet afraid of the right decision. I'm very unsure but yet still havin some doubts, tho He has been so faithfully encouraging me thru the devotions that came in daily. I'm feeling so excited now! I told mum bout it just now and she said the moment I shared it with her, she felt an assurance. I CANT WAIT for my new life to unfold!
I think my season, will prolly have 4 seasons in it! hehe....Whatever the case God, as long as you open the doors and send me, I will go!!!!!! To whatever door you open cos you know what'sbest for me. You and you alone knows the desires of my heart! Love you so so so so so much God!

Blessed Easter to you! My prayer today, is that you find the world's most precious gift. Ask yourself who are you following today. Is it a master who can give you hope and make you dream dreams again, and make those dreams possible even at times when it seems to be so impossible? John 14:6 ~ Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

tweedly dee dum..

2008-03-22T12:40:00.009+08:00

Great saturday so far...Chat w Ruth till like 2 plus this morning! Thanks babe for sharing and at the same time hearing me out.Hugs..Also! I just got off skype with JoshL..it's been some time since we last had a non rushing off voice chat. Had all the time in the world this morning...and nite for u over there! Feels gd to be able to spend some quality time with ppl who matters.
Hey thanks for initiating it, and..I'll consider working on that 'list' for ya...see my mood ler...LOL.... hey dun worry you are sure to find one suitable one even w/o ur mui's help =P...u know what I mean! heh..

The day is passing by so slowly. I wish it'll go slower, I wanna enjoy the slow pace for a bit..
Dont think I'll be goin service tonite as it's gonna be the same agenda neways. Prolly js go meet Xiao after service since I'll be stayin over at her place tonite. Thanks to me car, gear box gave way. Feels so handicap without having my car and being able to go where ever I need to anytime. Since no one nearby is going for service tonite. Looks like I've got to get mum to do me a lil favor. Meanwhile, I'm just gonna enjoy the rest of the day catching up with some reading and prolly some movies. Oh one thing I wish I could do....PICNIC!!! Ahh wouldnt it be nice? underneath a big tree, bright sunny sky, cool weather, not too hot, cycling, reading and just enjoying nature..If I get to go overseas to stay for a period of time, I'll do that often!

Oh well, here's just some passing thoughts the other night just before bed that I wanted to blog up. Wrote it down and I'm just gonna transfer it here now:
_______________________________________________________________________
Read a book last year that gave me much hope and encouragement. It made me hold a dream in my heart, an opportunity I wish I'd have. But that opening did not come to past. Much as I expected, but I doubt much too. Sometimes I wonder if the stories in that book are just some made ups or is it really really true and it's as easy as the experiences that various ppl shared in the book. I decided to pick the book up again @ 2am this morning (weird hr eh?!) Couldn't sleep. As I read thru the stories again, the hopes & will to persevere on and keep on waiting just came back to me. I decided to continue praying bout it for an open door. I beleive God will give me a chance too. Just like those stories in the book. I beleive God is waiting for me to relinquish the hopes and dreams and desires to Him who is the great I am. So that He can bring His best to me. Faith of God is what I need, not just Faith in God.
_______________________________________________________________________

I want to.........

2008-03-19T16:14:00.003+08:00

PAINT!!!!! ~ I miss canvas painting... Suddenly I have inspiration to paint. I feel it doing it now!! I know I cant. I'm gonna get myself a piece of canvas and start working on my piece of art...
I have the image of the final artwork in my mind already... I wanna make it a gift for a friend!

Okie!! Weekend project no 1! *smiles*

Strangers...

2008-03-17T11:25:00.010+08:00

This song kinda made my day when it came up on the radio...
I'm being reminded that the rship in this song can mean more than just with a special someone...
Dont we often hope that life is just this sweet all the time...
And if it's just as simple as the song...
"Strangers....unexpected, what you did to my heart"...
So true...everything so unexpected...memories and situations cant be erased...
It can only be worked out...
This song doesnt only speak just bout the person ....
But also represents the relationship I have with my God...
We were truly once strangers, never dreamt that I'd know a God who's all powerful, awesome, and loving...
Thru the stroms He tells me he's always there , thru the tears he's always there...
thru the heart warming moments and every season of my life, He always wants to be there....
Indeed...this is the life I wanna keep moving with Him...
It's only with Him will it be a wonderful journey...
In the end, I want and will be standing at the beginning of an eternal life w Him...
Nothing is gonna tear us apart...because He has paid the price for me...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we’d have to go through
Now here we are, I’m suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody, somewhere
A new love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I’ve been waiting so long
Nothing’s gonna tear us apart

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Yeah

Life is a road that I wanna keep going on
Love is a river, I wanna keep going

Starting out on a journey

Life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God if u ain't removing any of the mountains in my life right now...I will climb it...It's no point to pray for trials to just disappear...for certain things that I cant switch off just like that..
It's a process to grow and to learn...and I'm accepting the growth and challenges you are allowing me to experience....Isaiah 49 - I'm a polished arrow! ~ God I'm being hidden in your quiver and I'm waiting for the moment that you are going to launch this arrow out and it Will definitely hit it's mark~ love you so much ~

WIDE awake..

2008-03-13T04:14:00.004+08:00

*SCREAMS*~~~~ IT'S 4:15AM IN THE MORNING AND I STILL CANT SLEEP!!!! SO WIDE AWAKE!!! GOSH !!! WHY???? WHY?!!!!!!!!!!?????????????

I'm so gonna suffer later..I hope I wont dose off in the office...
Need to rush~ruSH~RUSH work!!!!

Okie I'll try gettin onto my bed and prolly start "counting sheeps" and see if I can fall asleep...*mehhhhhhhh...*

Yea I should do that..Do whatever it takes for me to SLEEEEPPP!!!!! I should go NOW!

~ Tata!! ~ =)

Contented for the day...

2008-03-12T18:07:00.003+08:00

Yes!~ contented at me work progress today. Done up quite a few pages of inside mag design layouts PLUS the next issue's cover design! Not only did I manage to design 1, but 3 different cover!! Just got it printed and mounted!
Feeling so pro after so long. It's been awhile since I had to do everything in such a proper manner. Cos since I'm heading the dept now. I need not do all the mounting anymore for presentation. I'm the one to decide which design is good and which can be thrown into the dustbin! =P... Today syiok sendiri just feel like being pro a bit. Need to show my parents anyway.. So got it all mounted like I'm presenting to some super big client! haha!

Off to dinner with a friend soon, whom I've not been able to catch up with a long long time!~
Glad she called! As I was looking for someone to have dinner with me as well! Talk bout coincidence - connections - intuitions..whatever you call it! Her call came in a really good timing!

If I'm able to get done with reading 10 pages each of the 2 book that I'm so wanting to complete reading thru tonite, I'll be Even more contented!! We shall see!! heh.....

Have a great evening everyone!~ HUGSSSS

rach jumping w excitement talkin to herself!!

2008-03-10T14:38:00.003+08:00

YES !! YES!! YES!!!!! WHY DINT I THINK OF IT EARLIER!!!???
EXACTLY!! Doink! what was I thinking!!?? Something that I've always wanted to do here but cant find time doing..and now it's just perfect combi aint it?!!!!! OMG!!!! After browsing throught so many sites and courses!!! Now only the light bulb is blinking!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aiyo..so perfect la..if only Ican actually do it!! God I'm so excited!! What you think?!!!!
I must continue to pray bout this and wait upon God to open doors!! Daddy above! I'm super excited now...Plsssss....would you grant me this desire of my heart??..*prayerfully*
Okie okie..I'm gonna get more info and see how okie dad?!! Yay!! I'm so bursting out in some praise songs now!! =P

*sweet smiles*

Syiok Sendir!

2008-03-07T13:37:00.004+08:00

Just called red fm and won myself a cd!
Colbie caillat's debut album
Heard red fm dj played a song..Thought it’s farmiliar…being a song idiot me..i still can recognize it!! Cos Priya's been singing that song, and edit her own funny words to it!...It’s BuBbly..been playin on the radio like countless times!!
The Dj asked to guess the title..and first caller to get thru the line wins!
I saja call only..cos bored w work a bit...

Didn't think that I'll get it...sumore called 1st time..I tot no one pick up then i put down..js as i put down i tot i heard someone said "hello red fm!"
haha..then called back...and got through again!!!
Just heard myself on the radio answering the question..=P

Made my day?!! can say so la...a bit la...haha...only 1 thing can make my day!!
Aint telling!! heh heh.
Okie me goin home for lunch now!! weeee....mum's cooking the best in the world!!!!!

who should I pick?

2008-03-05T23:55:00.003+08:00

This is hilarious! I'm doing the "Compare your frens" app on facebook....half way thru and I got this comparison!

" Who is a harder worker?"
Johan Sabri or Bryan Chan???!!!

Gosh!! Who should I pick??!! LOL....so farney..both also sama sama wan I think...

Sooooooooooooooooooooooo.............................
I've
Decided................................................
To....
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
S.K.I.P!! lol
difficult to compare la..... sorry la braders!! =P

fulfilling?!

2008-03-05T17:03:00.006+08:00

Yippy dee do0!!...Feeling a lil fulfilling today! Not that I've been shopping or out the whole day. Been sitting arnd in front of the comp in the office..But I've got a couple of things done! Picking out pics, and did retouching on em on photoshop...preparing for the magazine design..completed a quarter! Gosh my eyes!! Also! Uploaded loads of Melaka Trip pics on facebook! Uploaded loads dee! Still uploading tho. =P

Might not sound that I've done alot today, but the amount of pics that I've picked out of hundreds! And did retouching on em for the mag in one day!, IS indeed something I'm proud of at least!

I'm gonna go home earlier today, spend some time reading my books w a cup of nice and hot hibiscus lemon tea! Ahhhh..cant wait..I've been missing out so much on those moments that I can just sip on my cup of tea enjoyin a gd time of reading...also there's mummy's home cooked dinner! Yummsss..... I'll also spare some time preparing for some teaching =) Awesomeness!!!

Sounds so perfect eh!? ... Pray that there'll be no distractions that will spoil me nice evening!

Go check out my Melaka trip pics! Still uploading more actually..so go back for a 2nd round another time ya?! =D
Gary and Nath, would have been great if u guys were back at Melaka that weekend! Would have had so much more fun with you guys arnd too! Nvm..I'd love to go down again for more foooooooood! This time was purely all bout Jonker street. Next time it shall be all bout Melaka Foooooooooood ya!? hehe...Really have to thank Kirksman for bringing us arnd for food and accompanyin us on our trip! You've been a good guide!! =D

p/s: *hint *hint I still havent tried pork satay...hehe

...malangness...

2008-02-28T12:19:00.007+08:00

Had a clumsy week...Geeee.. havent had so many mishaps happened to me so often for such a long time..Accident list:

Last Monday
Hurt my ankle while tryin to take a pic hanging on a pole at KLPAC ..okla basically was tryin to be monkey... well i got the wrong idea for that pic ok?!...I tot roe and angie wanted to hang on the pole instead wat they meant was js hug the pole..so ran and jumped onto the pole..hit my ankle and i slide straight down..yea so u can imagine a monkey tryin to climb a coconut tree, but looses grip and slide straigh down!..yea similar la.... it was SUPER DUPER WHOPPER PAINFUL! i was literally hugging my leg..rollin on the floor screaming pain!! Lol..silly!

Last Tuesday
Fell of a stool while tryin to take a pic with Joel and Gracie..Yes!! Gosh!? Why at those picture takin moments?? siGH...=P

Last Sunday
At home. Tryin to get to the loo upstairs. While climbing the stairs..Suddenly just slipped and fell face down 1st..bumped my chin and teeth..pratically my whole body la..Bruised both my legs and arms too...was bleeding at my chin area, my teeth was bleeding too..and my legs too..lil scraps here and there....Super painful man! 1st tot was "Die lo! MY TEETH!! GONER!!"~...Thank God! teeth all still intact ... and becos of this, whole
family stayed home..tak jadi go dinner...i felt so bad...

Today!
Filling a cup of warm water.. dunno how the lever from the hot water dispencer js flip back down and I kena splashed Hot water from the dispencer. Aiyo!! Cis-ness..... Lol...

When will it stop I wonder...we shall see....
So yea..now whole body still in pain...but still can tahan la...some blue black patches here and there..became a polka dot rach...Hope those patches will go off really soon......there u go ..My Clumsy week..... =P

It's coming to an end...

2008-02-20T17:01:00.004+08:00

This morning I woke up feeling a lil depressed.. out of the blue!..Like it has finally dawn upon me that hols is coming to an end..few months ago the overseas 'legends' were flooding the airport coming back for hols...Just a blink of an eye, they are flooding the airport again, goin back to where they came back from...
I told myself a few mths back, that I'll allow myself to let loose and hang out..considering I had no social like watsoever before that...work work work!...and my hols will officially end when friends leave...so it's ENDING!!! sOBS...
oH ..but i'm much better now la..I had to get myself out of it man!
and then it's like back down to earth to carry on with daily life..
but it's js the whole feeling of hanging outs ending and everyone not being around for another 9 months or so and some not coming back within these few years!..
Departure is super sad case la!...I mean considering this year that roe is also leaving..
past couple of months has been the most united season la..for the older ones at cg at least..
Dunno when we can all gather to have dinner again, hang out, movie, yam cha, play cards and go to the beach again together...
Somehow some things are gonna change when we meet in the future to come...
Every season is different and so I really treasure this season that we had together....
I really treasure the memories we each made for one another and I hold it so very dear to my heart...

Apologies or New Year wish? hmmm....

2008-02-08T02:06:00.000+08:00

My dearest friends, my apologies for abandoning this blog for quite sometime. Yes! My dear Josh (Lu) I’ve been so busy at work plus so much happening. (not that I’ve disappeared from the face of the earth..lol) Friends from overseas came back too and I’ve been spending a lot time just hanging out w them past 2 months and catching up. I’m truly sorry for that. It’s already almost mid Feb now. I'm still getting used to the new year . Prayerfully with greater commitments and purposes to serve God in my life. Most importantly walking on the path He planned for me.

I believe God is challenging me despite my busy schedule to place Him at the center of my life. Out of so many things that had taken place. You name it. I have it. Yea Drama u may say..it’s true. Sad – happy – horrible – funny – indescribable – touching – comical - crying moments! They are all significant to me! I’m still very much praying for directions for this year. Nevertheless, I’ll still continue to press on and continue to pursue my ‘dreams’ knowing that God will be the ultimate driving force of my life. He shall lead me to my very own desirable route that will fall into His perfect planning and direction for me this year.

I'm very much assured that He's in control of it. God being the ultimate director in our lives will create new roles for us in His own perfect timing. I was just listening to a song called "Looking for love', that we danced to at JC works a couple of years back. It speaks of us looking for love at the wrong places many times and how God longs for us to find Him. It's a good reminder. So to those of you who are constantly searching for love in all the wrong places not knowing that Jesus's love is the most perfect one. I pray you seek Jesus and know Him! He’s the ultimate compass and gift in life you can ever have!

Thank you Lord for loving me and knowing every single detail in my life. Being there for every single moment in my life. You know me best! May I continue to grow in the word every new year and discovering new paths and dimensions in my Christian walk with you Lord. Happy New Year everyone! (I know it’s a lil too late to say it considering it’s already Feb..but hey! It’s CNY now! =P)
I believe that year 2008 will be prosperous and fruitful.

As for whatever that I've still be thinking of, I beleive it'll fall into place smoothly too. I choose to beleive that it's in good hands of someone who will know how to handle it. It takes 2 hands to clap...and it does make a difference when finally both are willing to clap at the same time...Life still goes on. It's the process that matters more than the destination. Because it's the process that determines the destination.
I’ll walk by faith and I pray you will too. May God bless you all.

BLESSED CHINESE NEW YEAR TOO!!!! HUGSSSSS~

I'm Still Thinking....

2008-01-15T17:38:00.000+08:00

I'm stil living in the bubble of my emotions ( at times tt is)....
Guess I'm still taking sometime to settle into the new journey....
But this isnt about what's behind, it's about what's ahead...
Cant help it at times when the emotions comes in so intensely.....
Guess I'll stop beating myself up for it and allow myself time to settle in slowly....
Taking a step at a time.....

It seems to others that I've not moved on knowing that I still have some concerns...
Yes I do have them..and it's not what it seems...
I'm way past moving on...

My opinion, I think many a times it takes 2 hands to clap...
But it just feels like I'm clappin on my own and I'm tired....
Should I continue clapping or just leave?
Cos I really do feel that I'm the only one who's interested to work things out here...
I'm still thinking...

I just wish that I have the power to read people's mind....
Especially those who arent being honest...
and here you are wondering why cant they just be honest and open bout things...
Talk?? Well that's an option...question is...is that the best option?...
Some say yes, some, a definite No!.... At the end I think I should be the one who knows best...
Because I should know you well enough to know if it works ...
Problem is at this moment I dont know...

sigh...so should I or shouldnt I??

Been thinking...

2008-01-11T12:10:00.000+08:00

My mind is at a hault at this moment. Somehow words just cant express how I really feel inside. I've been catching up with some closer friends lately and updating them about what's been up in my life the past couple of months. Somehow after repeating myself several times. It just got me thinking again.

I guess that I'm beginning to feel the weight of the after effects of the incident. I'm doing fine with what has taken place. Just very recently, I feel the weight of it upon my shoulders. When it took place, my mind just went blank and know not what to say at all, though I have so much in mind...so much to say about it...so much to express...The whole incident is just playing in my mind over and over and over again.. Somehow knowing that I've not said and expressed everything I wanted to.

I guess I was caught unaware that it was actually coming then, until the very last moment. Leaving me with no time for preperations or whatsoever to clear my thoughts and step out of the box to take a clearer look at it. And most importantly, what I have to say and need to say when it comes. As I've not planned for it to come that soon..thinking that I would be the one who will initiate it.

Yea though things are technically settled. There's just the after effects of it. Well there's always after effects in everything that takes place in our lives right? And so here I am feeling just that. I've been doing some thinking, if I should deal with this, by talking about it. To say what I did not have time to prepare for and to clear certain clouds that are still lingering. Whatever that has taken place is somehow irreversible. It's just the matter of if it was handled well or not. And how it's being handled now. Whatever decisions that's been made isnt the factor or the problem anymore. It's what takes place hereafter that matters..and I think that if certain things aint cleared up now... It will not lead to where we want it to be. Prayers that's been made and what has been committed to God will not come to past. It'll all just be wasted. Cos we aint walking along the journey of what we said in those prayers.

Somehow I'm thankful that things went well. So close yet so far. I'm thankful for the understanding that this is the best and I'm proud of being able to handle it well so far. Just that I've never been into something like that before. Sometimes still wondering how all this just came up. I see it as a lesson to learn from and a bigger perspective to comprehend. It will definitely remain as something significant to me. It may seem insignificant for others, yet this has left a mark. God, help me see beyond all this I pray. As I move on, help me be a victor who can still encourage others and be a blessing too. Let no one satisfy me but You Lord. From this moment on, I so need wisdom from you Lord. Let not anything be awkward.

NOT GD AT ALL for now at least...

2008-01-07T11:00:00.000+08:00

This did not come as a plan to make my 1st 08 post sounds so emo and dramatic..but i seriously js need to let out somewhere and where else better than this place...
So I'm sorry guys but new year wishes just have to be delayed.....sigh..I'm having an emotional diarrhoea here so please excuse me for a while and just allow me to release for a moment!..thanks for understanding....i totally appreciate it...i just need to release that's all....

Today did not! I repeat...DID NOT!!! started well at all...IRRITATING-NESS!!!!!!!!U know it's really not nice to be ppl's emotional dumster! and sadly I'm the ONLY one arnd here whom ppl can just throw their bad moods at freely!! Now where am I gonna fling mine to??? Can anyone around here understand that I'm human too AND I'm already overwhelmed by the emotions raving in me and I DONT NEED anymore stuff to get my already emoed-up self more emo. You get what I mean?? I'm trying to control what's within already!!
For goodness sake I didnt event cry for that which I'm still so surprised at myself..Count that as I've moved on shall we?? But STILL!?? I'm taken aback by it and Oh! and if you dont already know..
Yes I'm a very emotional person. Welcome to Rachel's world alright!!! I'm totally proud of me because I've so totally learnt to control my emotions that people
wont even realise that I have so much going on within me! PERFECT! That's so great isnt it?!! I'm sorry if I'm sounding so sarcastic cos YES!! I am!

OH YES!!! and only I can pick myself up and no one will come to my rescue so RACHEL!! U BETTER STAY UP AND BE POSITIVE COS U ARE THE ONLY HUMAN ON EARTH WHO WILL DO THAT FOR URSELF!!!!!

Oh yea that sounds sooooo P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!!! Yes my dear!! This IS IT!! If you dont learn to pick yourself up, then who will?? If you are gonna sit down there and just cry who will come to your rescue?? OK I KNOW God will.. I know that...pls remember this is just a 'releasing' session okay?!I dont show that I'm emo all the time doesnt mean I'm stupid or incapable!

SO JUST GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!! I dont need people to sympatise with me all I need is someone to emphatise. It's sad to know you cant speak to the one whom you so wish you can just like before... but hey! you've got to accept the fact that sometimes when things takes place, people change towards you as well.. why?? why does it have to be that way?? Cant we just be normal?? Is it too much to ask?? Oh yea man! Rach have you forgotten that there's also the other part where the saying goes "Not everyone thinks like you rach!"... Yea if only people can just be honest with one another then deeper relatioships will be easier to build...and this community will be a better place to live in...building community starts from me and you.. from individuals...it doesnt just begin like that...snap of the fingers and Wala! We live happily ever after in a great big loving community..
NO WAY!!!! In your dreams maybe...

So tell me!!! Am I asking for too much here? Why dont I get what others can get from you?when I'm not even asking for anything too much at all...Why so awkward? Why so different?? Nothing deeper can be built if we dont stand on a common ground. Agreed? Oh ok..dont forget I'm still talking to myself here...It's just the "inner me releasing"...after this..that raving door will close and you'll see the 'no problemo rach' surfacing again! and you can just sit there as if you've not read this and act normal. Then the question is...are we just being fake or is this gonna be as real as it gets and we walk thru it together facing the reality and move on together from here? I think I'd rather be truthful and honest bout things and then move on than just be so artificial and fake..

Seriously you cant walk on pretending that there isnt a needle poking you right? you'll feel the pain every step you take..But then again..since you are so blur towards this kinda stuff..then maybe you are either just numb, choose to be numb or this just aint significant enough for you to do anything bout it..Well guess I cant blame you too if this isnt as significant..who am I right? yea you can stop looking up at me from this post onwards if you choose to...I am really not as great as you think I am..I always say that..I dont deny that at all cos I'm still Human remember?...a human who tries hard to take the 'happenings' of her life and deal with it! Expresses her emotions as freely as she wish she can..and face the realities of life once again...battling across the seasons...and hoping to be better every season...Looking up positive no matter what...not quittin to say "This is gonna be a great day! I'm valuable and I know what I have on the inside. I'm the child of the most High God, I'm full of His 'can-do' power and I'm gonna rise up to be all that He wants be to be" every morning.

I do...I do wanna strive for excellence in all that I do...That's why I'm doing my best..
It's the different priorities in life that I have to deal with..that's all....and yea sometimes 'release' at points when I need to...

Pheww...ok I think I'm pretty cooled down now... If everything above sounds like it doesnt make sense or you just have no idea what I'm ranting about..Dont bother cos everything above refers to a few different 'happenings' of my life right now...They are in no sequence...I just type as the emo me spills out and over..So dont bother understanding it if you dont understand it at all...but if you are reading it...i hope u get where I'm coming from.. i really do..=)

Somehow I dont know why, but this song "Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high, be treasured here, be glorified, I owe my life to you my Lord, here I am" is playing in my head as I am typing this post...Yea it's so true...God thank you for reminding that to come back to you in everything.. I owe my life to you...Lord I'm not giving up..just a breather needed.. I'm so gonna run on and battle through.. It's funny how sometimes God can remind us that He is there for us...Even at times like this while I'm ranting on my blog..haha...Ok that's my first laugh of the day...Oh well I should be alright I guess...
Maybe all I need is a hug....a hug from you would definitely be uplifting...

The long birthday post

2007-12-12T12:24:00.000+08:00

I guess spending time w people who matters most and dear to heart totally brings the day to a truly meaningful and an unforgettable birthday. At 1st I thought I’ll have a quiet peaceful, simple bday this year. Didnt really plan anything at all. Thought of just spending some quality time with people who are dear to heart. Hang out and have dinner and that’s it. I thought that'd be just fine for this year. Best thing was I spent the most wonderful time with the one who matters most to me - God. Just thanking Him for all that He has done in my life at the stroke of my bday =D So what happened on my birthday for those who asked.
Here it is. I'll just update everything here. =)

I was awaken by Kelvin's call! Lol..It was like a "bday wake up call"! I was still blur when I picked up the phone and there this guy was going"HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!! wat are u going to do on ya bday?" I was like "Huh? who is this! oh! hi Kelvin tks!..and the conversation went on..." In my mind I was still blur..took me a few moments to register in mind that it's my bday and that I had to wake up already, if not, I'll be late for my lil bday outing!ehe..so I quickly got ready and went back to YC for worship 1st thing in the morning(=P tt’s cos I need to pick Jack from church and tot I’d js drop by to say hi to those at YC and js sam pat ler)… Since it's praise and worship, so decided to stay.

Went to MV- Gardens later on. Supposed to just spend 3 hrs there, but ended up spending the whole day there! Gee! I haven’t been walking 6 hrs straight for a really long time man! We had fun just walking into almost every shop. Checking out the different brands. We've covered like almost every corner of Gardens!!!

Oh! I tell you the day just went by really smooth! Pretty indecisive on what to eat for lunch at first. Too spoiled w choices! I Wanted to have pasta ..thought of Chillis but it’s js too over the budget for me…so Jack and I just decided to walk around…and we came across Sweet Chat! There’s pasta and everything else just looks great! So we had lunch there!..Everything superb! We tried quite a few things on the menu, and all are just yummy! =D Coincidentaly Jack's mum was there too! Yea thanks to aunty. Lunch was a blessing! =D
We were so filled up! Sweet Chat is at the old wing..So decided to walked for a bit after lunch.

Jack gave me a treat at Gelatissimo. He promotes it like crazy. Stresses that it's so expensive over in Aus etc...Haha!! I tried almsot all the flavors before deciding. There were just too many good ones. Difficult to pick just 2..But anyhow we finally decided! Shared 2 flavors - Rum & Raisin & Macadamia & Caramel.. Totally Sweet! Ok I meant the moment...not the taste..haha=P

That's the last thing we did at Gardens. By then it was time for us to get back home cos it was also Jack's unc's bday. They are having family dinner and Tuck wanted to bring me out for dinner too. Funny thing was, Tuck didnt even call! Cos he said earlier that he's gonna pick me up from home at 6pm! So quickly we left Gardens and I made sure I msg Tuck to inform him that I'll be late. Jack offered to drive. I just handed over the car keys, relieved...cos my feet was aching already by then..(Harlo!been walkin the whole day! =P)... On the way, Jack asked if we could drop him at Lake Edge instead cos his unc was fixing some electrical stuff and he wanted to
spend some time with him. Upon arrival, he brought me to some area to 'check out' some nice houses. As we were moving down the lane, I saw the number plate of this Renault Espace to be very farmiliar. Next thing, I saw my mum in it! I was like "Jack! how come my mum is here?" Then as he stopped the car, I saw everyone else there!~Roe - Angie- Hun - Kim Fooi-Melvin -Bryan - mum - and Tuck too! (tt's no wonder why he didnt call!) some frens from college and my ad course - church frens...Chu Yaw and Kelvin always there every year...Thank you so much for being there guys!!!!

I was SURPRISED!!! Lol!! Jack was supposed to blind fold me but oh well it doesnt matter cause I was still taken by a surprise! Totally didnt expect it at all. I must say Jack is one good actor! For the whole day?!! And everyone else too. Cos later I found out that this was already in planning like 2 mths before fromTuck, and the bbq thingy was decided a few days b4... God is trully good. He trully shows His love for me thru the friends and ppl around me.

Recently I had a few things in mind I wish I could have but just didnt have the budget to get it. Guess what?!..I got it on my bday. I didnt even tell anyone or expect anyone to give me any of those things in mind. But I got it for my bday! The best one was a book by Joel Osteen. Ok that I shared with Jack that I was searching for it at MPH 2mths back but couldnt find it. That's one thing I really wanted..It's kinda pricey so I was saving up to get that book actually..Lil did I know that I'd get it as a gift. Not only did it not come from the local bookstore, but all the way flown in from overseas. God is trully amazing! I'm reminded of my favourite verse once again...

" Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart" ~Psalm 37:4

I had the most amazing most wonderful bday this year! Thank you all for making Dec 9th a special day for me. U have no idea how much it means to me.

~Roe, Hun, Angie,Thanks for planning the bbq- U guys, well i really dunno where to start cos there's just so much to say, considering the times we've spent together the past few mths and how much closer we've gotten..u know my heart la yea..just indescribable la..Thank you from the bottom of my heart*grp hug* =)
~Tuck, thanks for planning 2 mths ahead for the dinner that you made arrangments for..you are my best buddy la!! Every year without fail you'll plan something. Love the gift too! Hugssssss
~Jack, thanks for the lil unexpected surprise over dinner on sat. It was very sweet of u.=) and also for spending the whole day with me on Sun and the treat. haha..and our lil Gardens adventure..Appreciate every lil thing very much...was sweet la..hmm..hugs??!..LOL...

Thank you to all who have wished me thru sms - facebook - friendster - email. I definitely have to acknowledge Gracie who called all the way from Aus! Babe I know it's gonna cause ur bill a lil bomb!! Thank you so much..I really appreciate it..and Ruth!! who called from Aus too! Thanks for making the effort! I know u slept and set alarm to wake up just to call! Hugs!!
How can I forget my dearest mummy and daddy! Thanks for 'making' me!! LOL!!
I told my parents over dinner the following night that I calculated and estimated that I was "made" in March!! Lol!! They just gave me this speechless look... Speechless that I actually thought of it that way..
Oh and my lil bro too...We've really come along way considering that we are so many years apart. But hey Bryan, wanna let u know that I love u very much and thanks for just being who u are..

Ok on a more serious note, I wanna thank mummy for spending my whole life with me! It's indeed another wonderful anniversary together! From the time I was formed in your womb till now. Every single moment we've spent together is trully dear to me.BIG Hugs

As for the pics..it's with Jane..I'm waiting for her to past me the pics. Will upload when I get it. =)

Still up at 3...

2007-12-11T03:05:00.000+08:00

GOSHH!! It’s 3 am and I’m still so awake!! I’ve been cleaning my room, reading my newest most precious book, reading blogs, thinking bout stuff, wrote some notes to a dear lamb (a.ka..my cg mber), caught up w a few frens online And even picked out what I wanna wear in a few hrs time! Oh! and aft tryin it on, parading to myself in front of the mirror making sure that I look good in what I’m gonna wear, I’m still in it! Haven't change back into my pyjamas yet. Hmm..maybe I should just let it be, sleep in it..So that I save time changing later. Tried doing everything else…Except! The only thing I coudn't do is sign into my blog! Sigh!!..
So thank god it's working now..

Well I wanted to blog bout Sunday. Was totally a special moment. I guess spending time with people who matters most and dear to heart totally brings the day to a truly meaningful and an unforgettable birthday....
ok I'm pretty restless now after trying so many times signing into my blog...
I'll just blog bout the birthday tomorrow. =D I'm gonna continue reading my book! =D

What will I do w/o my lambs?? ...

2007-12-03T17:56:00.000+08:00

Been SUPER LONELY in the office today. Well not only today..every other day since mid Nov. So i just msged Roe and Josh earlier "screaming away, tt I'm bored!~".. Just moments later...Roe called and say she'll come over to do her assignments in my office to accompany me! Josh wanted to come over for lunch too, till his mum brought lunch back home..Cant make it earlier..but!! He's coming now!!...

Just amazing peeps I have around me!! Love you guys to bits!!! Would have gone insane w/o you guys popping by...=P I can trully never survive being 'caged' up alone for long. If anything, that's my biggest weakness!..i think.. LOL!!...
I only wish you guys can come over more often!! Everyday also dun mind!! hehe..
So whoever who is free to drop by for lunch of js wanna 'sam pat' for a while..PLS DO!!! I'll be delighted!!

So I'm just taking a lil break from designing layouts now, andddddd waiting for Joshy... =D =D
Have a great nite peeps!! HUGS!!!