NOT GD AT ALL for now at least...
This did not come as a plan to make my 1st 08 post sounds so emo and dramatic..but i seriously js need to let out somewhere and where else better than this place...
So I'm sorry guys but new year wishes just have to be delayed.....sigh..I'm having an emotional diarrhoea here so please excuse me for a while and just allow me to release for a moment!..thanks for understanding....i totally appreciate it...i just need to release that's all....
Today did not! I repeat...DID NOT!!! started well at all...IRRITATING-NESS!!!!!!!!U know it's really not nice to be ppl's emotional dumster! and sadly I'm the ONLY one arnd here whom ppl can just throw their bad moods at freely!! Now where am I gonna fling mine to??? Can anyone around here understand that I'm human too AND I'm already overwhelmed by the emotions raving in me and I DONT NEED anymore stuff to get my already emoed-up self more emo. You get what I mean?? I'm trying to control what's within already!!
For goodness sake I didnt event cry for that which I'm still so surprised at myself..Count that as I've moved on shall we?? But STILL!?? I'm taken aback by it and Oh! and if you dont already know..
Yes I'm a very emotional person. Welcome to Rachel's world alright!!! I'm totally proud of me because I've so totally learnt to control my emotions that people
wont even realise that I have so much going on within me! PERFECT! That's so great isnt it?!! I'm sorry if I'm sounding so sarcastic cos YES!! I am!
OH YES!!! and only I can pick myself up and no one will come to my rescue so RACHEL!! U BETTER STAY UP AND BE POSITIVE COS U ARE THE ONLY HUMAN ON EARTH WHO WILL DO THAT FOR URSELF!!!!!
Oh yea that sounds sooooo P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!!! Yes my dear!! This IS IT!! If you dont learn to pick yourself up, then who will?? If you are gonna sit down there and just cry who will come to your rescue?? OK I KNOW God will.. I know that...pls remember this is just a 'releasing' session okay?!I dont show that I'm emo all the time doesnt mean I'm stupid or incapable!
SO JUST GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!! I dont need people to sympatise with me all I need is someone to emphatise. It's sad to know you cant speak to the one whom you so wish you can just like before... but hey! you've got to accept the fact that sometimes when things takes place, people change towards you as well.. why?? why does it have to be that way?? Cant we just be normal?? Is it too much to ask?? Oh yea man! Rach have you forgotten that there's also the other part where the saying goes "Not everyone thinks like you rach!"... Yea if only people can just be honest with one another then deeper relatioships will be easier to build...and this community will be a better place to live in...building community starts from me and you.. from individuals...it doesnt just begin like that...snap of the fingers and Wala! We live happily ever after in a great big loving community..
NO WAY!!!! In your dreams maybe...
So tell me!!! Am I asking for too much here? Why dont I get what others can get from you?when I'm not even asking for anything too much at all...Why so awkward? Why so different?? Nothing deeper can be built if we dont stand on a common ground. Agreed? Oh ok..dont forget I'm still talking to myself here...It's just the "inner me releasing"...after this..that raving door will close and you'll see the 'no problemo rach' surfacing again! and you can just sit there as if you've not read this and act normal. Then the question is...are we just being fake or is this gonna be as real as it gets and we walk thru it together facing the reality and move on together from here? I think I'd rather be truthful and honest bout things and then move on than just be so artificial and fake..
Seriously you cant walk on pretending that there isnt a needle poking you right? you'll feel the pain every step you take..But then again..since you are so blur towards this kinda stuff..then maybe you are either just numb, choose to be numb or this just aint significant enough for you to do anything bout it..Well guess I cant blame you too if this isnt as significant..who am I right? yea you can stop looking up at me from this post onwards if you choose to...I am really not as great as you think I am..I always say that..I dont deny that at all cos I'm still Human remember?...a human who tries hard to take the 'happenings' of her life and deal with it! Expresses her emotions as freely as she wish she can..and face the realities of life once again...battling across the seasons...and hoping to be better every season...Looking up positive no matter what...not quittin to say "This is gonna be a great day! I'm valuable and I know what I have on the inside. I'm the child of the most High God, I'm full of His 'can-do' power and I'm gonna rise up to be all that He wants be to be" every morning.
I do...I do wanna strive for excellence in all that I do...That's why I'm doing my best..
It's the different priorities in life that I have to deal with..that's all....and yea sometimes 'release' at points when I need to...
Pheww...ok I think I'm pretty cooled down now... If everything above sounds like it doesnt make sense or you just have no idea what I'm ranting about..Dont bother cos everything above refers to a few different 'happenings' of my life right now...They are in no sequence...I just type as the emo me spills out and over..So dont bother understanding it if you dont understand it at all...but if you are reading it...i hope u get where I'm coming from.. i really do..=)
Somehow I dont know why, but this song "Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high, be treasured here, be glorified, I owe my life to you my Lord, here I am" is playing in my head as I am typing this post...Yea it's so true...God thank you for reminding that to come back to you in everything.. I owe my life to you...Lord I'm not giving up..just a breather needed.. I'm so gonna run on and battle through.. It's funny how sometimes God can remind us that He is there for us...Even at times like this while I'm ranting on my blog..haha...Ok that's my first laugh of the day...Oh well I should be alright I guess...
Maybe all I need is a hug....a hug from you would definitely be uplifting...
So I'm sorry guys but new year wishes just have to be delayed.....sigh..I'm having an emotional diarrhoea here so please excuse me for a while and just allow me to release for a moment!..thanks for understanding....i totally appreciate it...i just need to release that's all....
Today did not! I repeat...DID NOT!!! started well at all...IRRITATING-NESS!!!!!!!!U know it's really not nice to be ppl's emotional dumster! and sadly I'm the ONLY one arnd here whom ppl can just throw their bad moods at freely!! Now where am I gonna fling mine to??? Can anyone around here understand that I'm human too AND I'm already overwhelmed by the emotions raving in me and I DONT NEED anymore stuff to get my already emoed-up self more emo. You get what I mean?? I'm trying to control what's within already!!
For goodness sake I didnt event cry for that which I'm still so surprised at myself..Count that as I've moved on shall we?? But STILL!?? I'm taken aback by it and Oh! and if you dont already know..
Yes I'm a very emotional person. Welcome to Rachel's world alright!!! I'm totally proud of me because I've so totally learnt to control my emotions that people
wont even realise that I have so much going on within me! PERFECT! That's so great isnt it?!! I'm sorry if I'm sounding so sarcastic cos YES!! I am!
OH YES!!! and only I can pick myself up and no one will come to my rescue so RACHEL!! U BETTER STAY UP AND BE POSITIVE COS U ARE THE ONLY HUMAN ON EARTH WHO WILL DO THAT FOR URSELF!!!!!
Oh yea that sounds sooooo P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!!! Yes my dear!! This IS IT!! If you dont learn to pick yourself up, then who will?? If you are gonna sit down there and just cry who will come to your rescue?? OK I KNOW God will.. I know that...pls remember this is just a 'releasing' session okay?!I dont show that I'm emo all the time doesnt mean I'm stupid or incapable!
SO JUST GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!! I dont need people to sympatise with me all I need is someone to emphatise. It's sad to know you cant speak to the one whom you so wish you can just like before... but hey! you've got to accept the fact that sometimes when things takes place, people change towards you as well.. why?? why does it have to be that way?? Cant we just be normal?? Is it too much to ask?? Oh yea man! Rach have you forgotten that there's also the other part where the saying goes "Not everyone thinks like you rach!"... Yea if only people can just be honest with one another then deeper relatioships will be easier to build...and this community will be a better place to live in...building community starts from me and you.. from individuals...it doesnt just begin like that...snap of the fingers and Wala! We live happily ever after in a great big loving community..
NO WAY!!!! In your dreams maybe...
So tell me!!! Am I asking for too much here? Why dont I get what others can get from you?when I'm not even asking for anything too much at all...Why so awkward? Why so different?? Nothing deeper can be built if we dont stand on a common ground. Agreed? Oh ok..dont forget I'm still talking to myself here...It's just the "inner me releasing"...after this..that raving door will close and you'll see the 'no problemo rach' surfacing again! and you can just sit there as if you've not read this and act normal. Then the question is...are we just being fake or is this gonna be as real as it gets and we walk thru it together facing the reality and move on together from here? I think I'd rather be truthful and honest bout things and then move on than just be so artificial and fake..
Seriously you cant walk on pretending that there isnt a needle poking you right? you'll feel the pain every step you take..But then again..since you are so blur towards this kinda stuff..then maybe you are either just numb, choose to be numb or this just aint significant enough for you to do anything bout it..Well guess I cant blame you too if this isnt as significant..who am I right? yea you can stop looking up at me from this post onwards if you choose to...I am really not as great as you think I am..I always say that..I dont deny that at all cos I'm still Human remember?...a human who tries hard to take the 'happenings' of her life and deal with it! Expresses her emotions as freely as she wish she can..and face the realities of life once again...battling across the seasons...and hoping to be better every season...Looking up positive no matter what...not quittin to say "This is gonna be a great day! I'm valuable and I know what I have on the inside. I'm the child of the most High God, I'm full of His 'can-do' power and I'm gonna rise up to be all that He wants be to be" every morning.
I do...I do wanna strive for excellence in all that I do...That's why I'm doing my best..
It's the different priorities in life that I have to deal with..that's all....and yea sometimes 'release' at points when I need to...
Pheww...ok I think I'm pretty cooled down now... If everything above sounds like it doesnt make sense or you just have no idea what I'm ranting about..Dont bother cos everything above refers to a few different 'happenings' of my life right now...They are in no sequence...I just type as the emo me spills out and over..So dont bother understanding it if you dont understand it at all...but if you are reading it...i hope u get where I'm coming from.. i really do..=)
Somehow I dont know why, but this song "Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high, be treasured here, be glorified, I owe my life to you my Lord, here I am" is playing in my head as I am typing this post...Yea it's so true...God thank you for reminding that to come back to you in everything.. I owe my life to you...Lord I'm not giving up..just a breather needed.. I'm so gonna run on and battle through.. It's funny how sometimes God can remind us that He is there for us...Even at times like this while I'm ranting on my blog..haha...Ok that's my first laugh of the day...Oh well I should be alright I guess...
Maybe all I need is a hug....a hug from you would definitely be uplifting...
posted by Rachs at
11:00 AM
2 Comments:
being the new guy who hasnt learnt where boundary lines are regarding rachel the leader-person.. and also having no radar for awkwardness, ill comment the emo-rant post that should really be left commentless ('what was she thinking leaving comments turned on')
hehe, well, hi, my names johan, and ..you look like you need words of affirmation! (oh i like my intro already, i reccomend you delete this comment after you read it, cause got a feelings its gonna be a long one! eek)
=) yes i know it was a venting thing, but you should know everyone vents, so you be not alone
you might know, that being the person who feels like shes carrying the wieght of others like a camel... is actually quite nice
(i feel nice, i dont know how it is to be anyone else... and i was once discribed as "the donkey" when our prayer group had a sess where we exchanged good words of affirmation to each other... so i ..carry stuff? woot)
usually peopl with this sort of.. role, has a uncanny (and i hope im using the right word... google define.. yes! perfect :) !)
uncanny, ability, or gift, curse, whatever, of being able to take more emotional beating than the average human, without any wieght transfer to other... donkeys =)
because youre the donkey silly.. ok, lets rename donkey to, camel.. no.. elephant. ok, its almost 3am, i can feel it, the words jumble and mesh whimsically.
Pillar! but moving!.. um, ok, donkey.. bah =) carrier of some sort! (im so sorry rachel, but maybe ur bored at work! read on sister!)
so, maybe i read wrong, but you and i are similar in some ways. people know me as the positive one, and i somehow agree because really i do find myself seeing lights and half-full-cups when others complain of driving in the dark on empty tanks.
ok, ill try being less abstract and more sensical from here.
-donkey
-uncanny wieght capability
-known-optimist
-hee-haw! =) that was just for comical relief and the chance of fluking a smile
hokey! onwards scholar! (hows work? dont get bored. its okay to be bored, its 2:40, im bored, not sleepy. tralala)
I hope this doesnt have a word limit. yikes! woo har! tranfering to notepad so i dont accidently loose it all by hitting "back" =) it happens!
where was I... oh yes, but that doesnt make you, or me, wait, its still a hypothesis that you are the same, so me!
that doesnt make ME a robot, emotionally, (Though sometimes i feel that way!) and before i turn this around into MY emo-rant! hehehhe! I like being the donkey, though I still have a breaking point. There is a certain forfillment after someone totally spills the whole emo + extra cheese on me, and im still standing =)
ok, things either make lots of sense, or starting to seem REAL wierd by now! if the latter, skip to bottom after the stars!
yes, the whole thing isnt just about too much of others emotions to carry, but also other major factors =) but, regarding the calling and ability / role i'm reading you have within your church.. keep doing it! =) youre doing great
that verse about being body parts in church, and leg wanting to be the eye, that aint working sister..etc by paul in im assuming romans~ but it way to late to search up on biblegateway.com
you know, hahahaahaa, its almost 3am, ill stop making sense soon!
id so delete everything i wrote, cause its sensible, but nah! you do it! hehehe
the whole ranting can be summed up by:
"hey, im happy to talk! oooh how was the movie today! yoyo, sometimes i feel like im the only one holding myself together (using some wierd ability God's given me to hold others together) too! you deserve a hug and golden stars! :D"
goodmorning! its 3am! :D i made it.. =) *proud* wow, fingers crossed bout the word limit, else it be just that bit in .. comma open, whoops, that speech " " thing.. ahhh, i cant string words together! hehehee
******
stars~!
******
AND, you get free coupons!:
"IOU a hug" x2
"instant emo-dumpster, just add water!" x8.5
use them wisely, i dont give them out much (by wisely, i mean flippantly)
oblivious and unawkwardly,
-Johan =) bottom line, smile, lah!
Gosh it's Johan!!
I tot who on earth is this 'anonymous' who left such a long comment! Freaked me out at first..till I scrolled down and saw that it's u! Lol!=D
Thanks so much for it..U know what? I'm not gonna delete it. Cos u took much effort to write this and Gosh! 3 am in the mornin??!! haha..and tt speaks of sumone who really is concern and cares and who bothers to even write sumthing that long to cheer and encourage someone else.
I really appreciate it! I really do.. U are the 1st to have done this. Yay!! Johan holds a record on Rach's blog!! Woot!!...=P
Ok did that js sound pathetic on me again..no that aint my intention. But yea cos u are really the 1st la.To me it speaks volumes when someone bothers to even write a few lines but this long?! it speaks Loads of volumes..haha..if tt make sense..
Thanks for the words or affirmation. I'm just so blessed to have frens who really make the effort to care w action that is.
I treasure these frens alot.
I trully thank God for you guys!
Oh and how rare!! A note that ends w 'vouchers' too??!! haha..
Ok I will so claim those vouchers from u!=P..hehe..hugs
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