just mixture of thoughts...

This morning I woke up having mixed feeling of a lil happy - sad, that I feel like crying - gloomy - confused - frustated at the same time trying to encourage myself - hopeful - loved - cared for ....
My mind was practically wondering..I felt for a moment that as if I'm on a path with no direction.

I feel so longing for that something that I feel as if I'm getting it already. But frustated at time that I need it so much but I feel that I'm just running around in circles and not gettin much results. 

Also I felt like an idiot yesterday. Well I dont like troubling people if possible and a friend was just so kind to change his plans just to accomodate me. It turned out that I not only jeopardised his plans but made him wait for me for hours. Just cause my own plans were messed up cos I was also waiting for dad to pick me and all. (I could have called him to inform earlier but because I was so occupied I didnt think of calling earlier!! How Silly!!! Gosh I MISS my car!!!) Ok as if that did not make me feel horrible already, I led him to some wrong directions. It's just embarassing la.. KL gal...but a failure in knowing the roads in KL. Oh gosh!! I felt it was a mess!! But thank god that we made it on time for our meet up with some other friends later on. and KL wasnt so jam!!! Phew~ thank god! And out of it all.. this friend was still so gracious and kind to say 'it's ok rachel'... Anyways that was the earlier boo boo part of the fun evening we had la. Things went on smoothly after that... Super thank god!!
Thanks gary..all the favors you've done, fetching me around...I really really appreiciate it loads!!!

Then there are also the other matters that I'm facing. I totally feel that it's all up to my neck already. It feels so difficult to breath at times (figuratively speaking that is).  There's just too much of pressure on my platter. Well certain things are just so difficult to share. Not like with any random people. Since a close friend of mine left for overseas. There is no one of the same faith I can really be transparent to share with. I guess I've been boiling it all up. Not that I dont speak to God bout it. I do... ALOT infact... it's just the fact that if someone can walk along side me as i go through stuff  that will make me feel a tad bit better I reckon...someone whom I can trust fully...someone whom I feel comfortable opening up to... someone who can really understand me, or at least tries to...someone I can call at wee hours in the morning at times. I know I have alot of friends who care and love me. I totally totally appreciate it. But there's also the thing where it's not everyone we can fully open up to ya. It's different when there's someone whom you fully trust and feel comfortable to share anything with. I guess I'm still waiting...
God I believe you will send...

Nevertheless, there's someone I wanna thank too. Tuck, thanks so much for calling at 2 plus this morning. I got home late and I knew you were already asleep by then. Thanks for calling anyways. Thanks for listening & being so caring always. Though we do not share the same faith and many times it's difficult for you to comprehend the values that I hold and why I make certain decisions, you still listen and try understanding anyways and support me through out. I cant express in words and thank you enough how much I appreciate you. You are indeed one of those friends whom I can count on at anytime, share my thoughts no matter how crazy it may seem to be, makes me laugh even when I'm crying buckets. Thanks buddy!~ Hugs!