Sick & Tired!

Still feeling pretty blue. And honestly, quite disappointed too.

When everything is rosy and sweet and right, we never quite expect it to turn so completely. Not like this. Not so soon.

But it has. What was warm and wonderful just yesterday, just a few months ago, has shifted into something laced with disappointment, anger and a bitterness I did not ask for. It feels like walking through a drought after living in a garden.

What was once so full of assurance and excitement has become a landscape of insecurity. Not knowing what the future holds. Not knowing where to begin again.

What was once so vision-filled and passion-driven has faded into something quieter. A goal written on a piece of paper. A vision slowly dissolving into nothing.

What was once "Yes, we can do this together, the potential is right here" has become a solitary walk through the wilderness.

What was so full of promise has gone blank. The promises themselves – I cannot find them anymore.

Right now I am just tired. Tired of the back and forth, the arguments about who is right and who is wrong, the posturing and the power plays. Why does it have to be this way? Why do people make assurances they know carry real weight for others and then break them without ever considering the impact? Without pausing to ask what their decisions will cost someone else?

Why do people raise the hopes of others and then let them fall just like that?

I still do not fully understand. Maybe I never will. Maybe only God knows why certain people have to enter parts of our lives the way they do and leave things more unstable than before they arrived.

Lord, I genuinely do not know.

But one thing I do know. I have to be strong. I have to see this through. So much has been left behind, and it has fallen to me now to follow through, to be the steady pillar in the middle of this. I cannot fall. I cannot wither. I cannot afford to lose my footing.

Lord, I need you. I need your guidance, your wisdom and your strength. Teach me your ways, for your ways are far higher than mine. Let me understand your thoughts on this, for your thoughts are far greater than anything I can reason through on my own. Show me how to handle what is coming.

Reveal your plan for moving forward, Lord. I will be still. And I will know that you are God.