I need to buck up! When is MY time gonna come??

Gosh, I really need to get back into it. My ad ideas, my creative flow… everything.

Ever since leaving 95%, I haven’t really had the chance to do any proper advertising work. And reading my friends’ blogs, those who are still deep in the heart of the advertising world, makes me feel so out of place. Almost like I’ve drifted out of that space entirely.

I miss it so much.

All the challenges, the buzz, the awards, the constant movement in the ad world. I’m really, really missing it.

Sigh.

That’s not to say I don’t face challenges in my current role. I do. In fact, quite a lot. Overseeing the entire design department, thinking through art direction for model shoots, sourcing potential clients, preparing proposals, meeting clients, attending events, covering travel features, sometimes even writing, and still doing design work at the same time.

And on top of that, managing three interns. Don’t even get me started on that. Intern stories are for another day.

Honestly, I feel like a one-woman everything package. And yes, it is challenging. But somehow, something still feels missing.

There’s a part of me that wants to just step out there again. To take on the kind of challenges that excite me. To ride the wave. To go all in and get a little wild with what I love doing. Advertising.

But then there’s another part of me that knows… right now, I can’t.

I chose to run the vision of my father, and I did it willingly. But I still find myself asking, is this where I’m meant to be? How long will I be here?

Sometimes I feel like a little girl standing in front of a lively playground. Watching all her friends running around, laughing, playing, and fully alive in what they’re doing. And I’m there too, standing on the same ground… but somehow held back, only able to watch and not join in.

I feel unsure. And if I’m honest, a little afraid.

Afraid of being left behind. Afraid that time is moving faster than I am. There are so many things I still want to explore, so many areas I know I can contribute to. But I also know there will come a time when I need to stop moving around and choose where I truly belong.

I just don’t know where that place is yet.

And that makes me anxious.

I can’t wait for the day when the path becomes clear. When I know, without a doubt, this is where I’m meant to be. This is my place on the playground.

But for now… I feel like that little girl behind the bars, standing in the middle, watching.

Janet, I really wish I could talk to you. I wish I had the time to step back into 95%, even just for a while, to feel that sense of being out there again with you all.

Okay… I think I might cry if I keep going.

I still remember standing up for POSSIBILITY during training at 95%. So I’m holding on to that. I’ll do my best to keep living it out. Those memories have been coming back to me, and they remind me to keep going, to keep running.

I just don’t know when it will be my time.