Still struggling....

I’m still struggling.

Some things, when they’ve been kept in your heart for seven years, don’t just disappear like that. It’s not something you can let go of overnight. It takes time.

It’s been almost a month now, and it’s still affecting me. The emotions are still there. Especially when I come face to face with it again, or even when it’s just mentioned. The feelings come rushing back. The hurt, the disappointment, even the sense of foolishness. It all returns, just like before.

I wish I could just push everything aside and bury it deep enough that it never surfaces again. I’ve tried to dig it out, to throw it away, to convince myself to move on. But it’s not that simple.

Sometimes it feels like a poison lingering within me. Like something that quietly follows me around and shows up when I least expect it. There are moments I can’t even bring myself to face it directly. I avoid it, because I know what it will stir up inside me.

I’ve been quite emotional lately. There are mood swings that come and go, and yet I find myself trying to hold it together, putting on a front so that the people around me won’t notice what’s really going on inside.

And honestly, it’s exhausting.

Maybe I just need more time. And maybe that’s okay.

I don’t expect anyone to fully understand what I’m feeling or what I’m going through. This is something I probably have to work through on my own.

And for now, I’m just learning to sit with it, one step at a time.