Guarding my heart….

Indeed… this has been ringing in my mind over and over again. It’s something I once said to someone dear to me who has now left.

So many things have been happening lately. It feels like I’m going through a shift in so many areas of my life. From my career and what I want to do to my walk with God. I can sense Him nudging me, calling me closer. There’s a desire in me to seek Him more deeply. And then there are the personal things, the emotions that seem to rise without warning.

It all feels like waves crashing one after another. I don’t quite understand why everything feels like it’s shifting all at once. It’s almost as if something has been dug out from deep within my heart, and now I’m feeling the discomfort of it being exposed.

My emotions have been swinging like a pendulum. One moment I feel okay; the next I feel heavy. It goes back and forth until at times I just feel numb.

Recently, I’ve started noticing feelings in me that I never realised were there. It’s hard to put into words. It’s like discovering something that has been quietly sitting inside you all this while, unnoticed. And then suddenly, when life begins to change, it rises to the surface.

And when I begin to search deeper, those feelings only grow stronger. Almost like they are calling out to me, saying, “I’ve been here all along." You just never paid attention.”

It relates to what I wrote about a few days ago. About losing something and only realising how much it meant after it was gone. I’m still trying to understand it. At times I wonder if this one issue is the root of everything I’m feeling right now. But I can’t say for sure. I’m still searching. Still waiting for more clarity.

At the same time, I can’t help but feel that God is at work through all of this. That He is gently leading me to uncover things in my heart. Things that need to be let go of, and things I never even knew existed within me. He’s showing me so much, especially in my relationship with Him. And I know I need to respond.

Sometimes I wonder if this is a turning point in my life. Like a shift into a new season.

It reminds me of how we flip a mattress after some time. You turn it over so it can take on a new shape, so it can be used in a different way. That’s what this feels like. As if God were turning something over in my life, allowing me to step into something new.

Or like moving up to a new level in a game. New challenges, new environments, new tools to grow with.

I hope this turn will be a good one. That this new season will bring something meaningful, something worth walking through.

I know I need to guard my heart more carefully now. Not to let it be pulled in every direction.

I will guard my heart… for what truly matters.

It’s funny how feelings work.
You really never know what’s there… until you do.