Wondering indeed....

Just my “today ramblings”…

I woke up this morning and realised that my heart is… wandering. That’s the exact feeling I had when I woke up. No wonder I’ve been replaying that song a friend wrote, “Wondering Hearts.”

Why? I wish I knew why too.

It feels like I’m left hanging somewhere in between. Walking along a path I don’t quite recognise, and somehow feeling alone in it. I don’t think anyone can fully understand what this feels like… except God.

This is not what I expected. And honestly, the way I’m feeling right now is not what I expected of myself either.

There’s a part of me that looks at myself and says, “Rach, I’m a little disappointed in you.”

So why even bother? Should I just scrap it and move on? I’ve tried. But it keeps coming back.

Would it be easier if certain things were not even part of the picture? I think it would be a lot less complicated.

A friend told me, “Rach, it’s entirely okay.” And yes, maybe it is. But it’s always easier to say that when you’re not the one in it.

Why did it even start like this?
Why now?
Why just one week before?
I would have preferred nothing at all.

Why leave things hanging with so many unanswered questions? I would rather someone just be direct.

Why pull back now?
Why say and do things that are so out of character?

And out of all this, I feel a little silly having to admit what I never wanted to admit, even after searching my own heart.

Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s not something that happens often. You don’t really hear about things like this every day.

But at the same time, I don’t need anyone to step in or fix anything for me. Too many voices will only make things more confusing. To those who already know, a promise is a promise. I would really appreciate that.

For now, I think I’ll just let this wandering heart settle in its own time. Maybe till the end of the year.

Because even if there was something real, there’s still nothing that can be done.

And right now… there isn’t even anything certain at all.

After all, it takes two to clap.